The bell above the bakery door chimed softly every time someone stepped in or out, a warm, buttery scent spilling onto the street like an invitation. Seokjin paused just outside, hands tucked into the pockets of his coat, debating whether he deserved a treat or if he should pretend to have self-control for once.
He exhaled, watching his breath fog in the cool air. It had been a long day - long enough to justify something sweet. Maybe a strawberry cream pastry. Or two. Definitely two. He stepped off the curb, crossing the narrow stretch of pavement toward the door, already imagining the first bite, light, fluffy, just the right amount of sugar- suddenly a van screeched to a stop beside him.
The van door slid open with a dramatic screech that would've been intimidating if it hadn't immediately been followed by someone tripping over their own feet. Seokjin barely had time to process the two men in black masks and whispered panic before hands (surprisingly gentle, honestly) grabbed him and ushered, well, attempted to usher him inside.
"THAT'S HIM!"
"Grab him! Quickly!"
Seokjin's pastry dreams evaporated instantly as he was being dragged toward the van.
"Careful-caref-"
Thunk.
There was a very solid, very undeniable sound of Seokjin's head hitting the metal doorframe. A person gasped like he'd just committed a federal crime.
"I'M SO SORRY! ARE YOU OKAY!?"
Seokjin blinked slowly, one hand coming up to his head and rubbing it soothingly, as he hisses in pain.
"You are trying to kidnap me and have already given me a concussion in the first three seconds."
"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" The person said panicked, hovering helplessly next to Seokjin, "you're taller than I expected and you kept moving and the door—"
"You're really bad at this," Seokjin stated, utterly calm, looking at the masked man.
"I'm sorry," the person groaned, already spiraling, "this is going horribly—"
"Can I sit myself in before anything else hits me?" Seokjin asked politely, the other stands still but eventually nods, allowing Seokin to move in front of him.
The other male who was sitting in the van scrambled over to make space like an embarrassed intern, and Seokjin climbed into the van as if this were a mildly inconvenient rideshare. The door slammed shut again, this time with excessive caution. For about three seconds, there was silence.
Then from the front, a shorter one hissed to the one who hit Seokjin's head.
"I told you to hold him properly J-Hope!"
"I did hold him properly!" 'J-hope' shot back, "you're the one who rushed me!"
"Because you were taking forever!"
"You're the one who fell over!
The driver yelled behind him, voice deep.
"Chimmy, J-hope can you both stop? This is supposed to be discreet!"
"You're literally louder than both of us," the shorter one - named 'Chimmy' snapped.
"I am not!"
"YOU JUST SHOUTED AT ME V!"
"SO ARE YOU-"
"Guys," J-Hope whines, still glancing at Seokjin every two seconds like he expected him to file a complaint, "please don't argue during the kidnapping."
"Actually, I think the arguing is my favorite part so far." Seokjin grins. All four turned to stare at him, despite having their faces covered Seokjin knew that they were surprised.
"So," Seokjin looked between them, completely unbothered but the judgement, "what's the ransom situation? Are we doing a letter? A video? I have angles, by the way."
"You're not scared?" The person who hasn't been identified said, Seokjin tilted his head in response.
"Should I be? I mean you apologized for hitting my head before you even secured the hostage." Seokjin looks at 'J-hope' beside him.
"Again I am very sorry!"
"And I accept the apology" Seokjin said graciously, "however, it doesn't inspire confidence."
"Why are you judging us?" The unnamed one asks.
"Because," Seokjin said, settling back into his seat, "if you're going to kidnap me, I expect a certain level of professionalism."
"Professionalism?"
"Yes. Coordination. Timing. Maybe snacks."
"We don't have snacks!" Chimmy scoffed.
Seokjin sighed, very dramatically.
"That's disappointing."
