The Maine Attraction

30. Memories

"You sure that you're wanting to come back early?" Larissa said to me. Her phone was propped up on something as she made herself lunch in our little apartment that I missed so much. 

I was laying on Callum's couch, waiting for him to get home from work while I FaceTimed my best friend. 

"Yes. I can not stay here any longer." I groaned. "Plus, it's only like 2 weeks early so it's not like it's anything crazy. I still have some time to finish packing and hang out with Callum. I just don't want to be here anymore." I confessed to her. 

"Still no word from Sawyer?" 

I shook my head, even though she had her back to the phone. "Nothing. I've gone back and forth, trying to decide if I should say anything to him... but I am afraid that he'll just tell me to fuck off." I admitted with a light laugh. 

"Babes, he probably wouldn't tell you to fuck off... You're actually the one that told him to fuck off, remember?" She laughed.

"I had a good reason to say that!"  I defended. 

Larissa turned around to look at me through the phone screen again. "You're not wrong, I'm just saying. What if he is sorry and wants to talk to you, but he doesn't think you want to talk to him?" 

I hadn't actually thought about that. I did tell Sawyer to go to hell, so there was maybe there was a chance that he actually did want to apologize and talk to me, but was under the impression that I didn't want that. It was a valid point, but I really didn't think that he wanted anything to do with me.

"When Dani went to get the couple of things I forgot, he didn't even say anything to her. He didn't ask about me or anything." I groaned. "So he doesn't want anything to do with me, trust me." 

I'd secretly hoped that when Dani went over to his house, he'd ask her how I was doing. When she came back and I tried to ask her about it, she just shook her head and changed the subject. 

"Well, regardless. I'll be happy to have you back. I've missed you this summer, so I'll happily welcome you with open arms. I just wish you were coming back under better circumstances, you know?" She said with a sad smile.

I nodded, agreeing with her. I was excited to be back with her, but I also wished it was under better circumstances.

"Trust me, I wish I was coming back happier too. But what can you do, right? I'm just excited to be back with you. I've missed you so much. I wish you were here with me right now." I said with a sigh. 

"You'll be back soon enough and we'll get drunk and have a chick flick night so that you can get all of your tears out and then be done with him." She laughed. 

"Thanks, Larissa." I smiled at her through the phone. 

"Hey, I'm gonna go eat lunch. But call me later if you need anything, okay? You'll be back here really soon and I've got the biggest hug waiting for you here in California." 

I smiled at her again. We said our I love you's before hanging up the phone. I set my phone down and leaned my head back, closing my eyes. This summer had not gone the way I expected, even though I went into it with little expectations. I went into this summer thinking that Sawyer wouldn't even pay me any mind. 

I didn't expect him to kiss me, to hook up with me, and for myself to realize that I was in love with him. I didn't expect anything with his mom, I didn't expect him to end the summer the way that he did. 

When I first came home, the only real expectation that I had for myself was dealing with the feelings of sadness about my dad. However, since being home I hadn't actually had many thoughts about him, or at least as many sad thoughts as I thought I would.