Love & death-bill kaulitz

Who do you love?

I pulled away from Tom, somehow feeling guilty. I loved Bill didn't I? What would he do to me or Tom if I chose Tom instead? And what about Taylor? She loves Tom and has loved him for a while. And I need her in my life. I need her to survive.

"I can't." I said and pushed him aside. I felt way too dramatic like I was in a movie or something, but it was the only thing I could think of doing to get away from Tom as fast as possible. I needed time to think and get over what happened with Laura and multiple other people before her, before I did anything stupid that could potentially get me killed.
And then I needed to talk with both Taylor and Bill. About two very differenr thing.
I needed to know how much Taylor loves Tom, what he did to her in the past and what he still does. And with Bill, I just needed to find out if he was worth loving and if he's still the man I fell in love with.

Bill's pov:

I hadn't seen Scarlett since the night where Laura died, and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I almost didn't sleep just because I saw her pained face in my mind every time I closed my eyes.
Is she still able to love me? Was the thinv I thought about the most. I had never thought about the same thing for so long without getting a somewhat clear answer or solution. But Scarlett seemed to for some reason matter more. It matters that she loves me. I need her to love me.

All of the overthinking made me angry. So angry that everything I did was involved in my anger. I took food out the fridge and slammed the door after me. I sat down on tbe coucha nd threw the pillows I didn't want. I slammed my feet onto the table. But none of it actually helped with the anger of course.
I needed to see Scarlett again. The real Scarlett who doesn't look so hurt and empty.

I stormed out of the empty waiting room and went directly for the hospital room she was in. And I met her in the hall.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking at me with a scared and guilty look.

"Looking for you. What are you doing here?" I asked, getting slightly suspicious of what she had done since she looked to guilty. But she pulled herself together and acted like she was innocent again. Like the good old Scarlett.
It made my heart skip a beat and I almost felt like I was blushing. It scared me.

"I needed to get out of that awful room." She said, obviously lying. Any other person would have believed her. She was good at acting. But I could see through her. But not read her mind.

"Do you... umm... have a smoke? Please." She asked me. I looked at her confused.

"I thought you stopped with that." I said. She shrugged and looked away.

"Please juts give me one." She asked, still looking away. I always had both lighter and cigarettes in my pocket and pulled out the packet. I handed a cigarette to her and she put it between her lips and stepped closer. I put the lighter to the cigarette and she breathed in. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the first puff.
It had been so long since I'd seen her this relaxed. Around me she always looked scared ot nervous.
But even though she seemed more relaxed, every time our eyes met, I saw something else. Pain and maybe even guilt. I couldn't help but wonder if I did that.

Scarlett pov:

Every time I looked at Bill, I remembered what he did to me. He took my virginity against my will. He raped me and stuck a knife through my hand. He killed Britney and didn't even try to stop Lauren's death too. It wasn't that long ago where I was comfortably in my ex boyfriends appartment without all the pain. He was mean and almost never around me, but he had been better than Bill. But Bill killed him too.
I looked away from Bill. The pain was getting too much for me to bare all at once.

"Where is Tom?" Bill asked me after some silence and my breathing. I forced myself to look up again.

"Not sure. With Taylor probably or still sleeping in my room." I said, slightly lying. Bill didn't need to know that Tom already woke up and did you know with me.

"You don't look so good." Bill said and faked a worried look. It was easy to see it was fake. But somehow it still made me feel like he cared.
I wanted to say "yeah no shit, you stabbed me in the hand while raping me, let Laura die in front of me and didn't care when Georg cut my wrist. Of course I don't look so good."
But I didn't say that.

"I feel fine." I lied and turnd around to heavily walk back to my room. I still had Britney and Tom's clothes on with both blood, dirt and something that might be vodka. But I didn't want to change. When Bill handed me Britney's clothes, I got scared. I didn't like that I would have to wear a dead girls clothes, but once I put it on, it felt like she was with me. She wasn't, but I felt comforted in clothes that smelled like her. But it didn't smell much like her anymore. Only if I put my nose closely to it.
I took the smoke out of my mouth and put the shirt to my nose and breathed in. A faint smell of her shampoo and perfume filled my nose, but mostly I just smelled like cigarette smoke.
I could hear that Bill followed me into my room and I tried closing the door in his face, but he held it open with his hand.

"What was that for?" He asked, sounding angry. A rush of adrenaline went through my body when I realized I had made him mad again. I would probably need to prepare to fight back soon.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to." I said and turned around, making puppy eyes to hopefully make him feel bad for me. He must have some feelings right?
But it seemed to just make him even more angry. I froze in place as he walked closer and took the cigarette out of my hand. He put it to his perfect soft lips and took a puff. He breathed the smoke out into my face and I closed my eyes. And while my eyes were closed, he grabbed my right hand and pressed the cigarette into my lower arm. I heard a slight sizzle and my own whimpering. It hurt like hell but I didn't give him the satisfaction of my screams.

...