Sweater Weather - Karlnap (au)

37: You're Losing Me

Karl Jacobs

--

I was alone in Percys room when I woke up. I could hear the sound of people talking in the distance but I couldn't make out who it was until my mum burst through the bedroom door. I stayed silent as she began to ask me questions, Lola and Percy stood in the doorway watching with sad eyes. I look to my mum to see how worried she looks, but I can't even reply to her. I can't comfort her. I have no memory of what had happened, I don't even know why i'm here. 

"Oh Karl" she sighs as she pulls me into her arms. "I'm sorry. I was just so scared, when Nick called me I just knew something happened".

Nick?

"Then Lola was talking to me and it wasn't goo-" she sighs as she pulls away. "I'm so happy you're okay, pea" 

Hearing the name she used to call me when I was little brought tears to my eyes but I quickly do my best to make them go away as I feel a pain shoot throughout my head. I open my mouth to speak but i'm cut off by the sound of someone knocking on the door. Percy excuses himself to go see who's here. Lola walks into the room and sits down on the bed next to me, while my mum stays sitting on the other side.

"What happened?" I finally ask. I can see the pain in my mums eyes as I ask. I look to Lola and she just gives me a sad look while grabbing my hand.

"Aaron hit you" Lola doesn't look at me as she says it. "There was a fight. Per-"

"Karl" I look to the doorway and I feel like my whole life just started moving in slow motion.

There in the doorway stood Sapnap. His eyes are bloodshot red, he has bags underneath his eyes. He doesn't even have a hat on. My mum stands from the bed, a sudden sour look on her face before she makes her way over to him. I see her lean close to him as she whispers something. I can't read his face as she speaks, I just see him frown before they both walk away.

"What?" I mutter as I begin to sit up.

"Karl" Lola gently places her hand on my shoulder, lightly pushing me back down. "Let me just fill you in first".

"Fill me in?" I stare at her as I wait for her to begin. Percy joins us on his bed. He sits right next to Lola, their legs pressed against each others. "What happened, guys?"

"Karl, everyone knows" Lolas voice cracks as she speaks. I notice Percys hand slowly creep towards hers until he's holding it. 

"Knows?" everything races through my mind at once as I try to remember what was happening before I went down. All I see is Sapnaps face, he's all I remember.

He's all I ever remember.

"We don't know who said it but everyone knows that we were fake" Lola finally looks at me, tears welling in her eyes. I slowly sit up, ignoring the pain pounding in my head. "I'm so sorry Karl".

"They also know about Nick" Percy speaks up. I look at him, my eyes fall back to their linked hands. I don't even know what to think of it. He notices my staring and lets go of her hand. "We think Harmony said something".

"But we don't know for sure" Lola is quick to say. "W-We just know that it somehow came out".

"So everyone knows I love him?" I croak, not knowing what else to say. I don't even know how i'm meant to be feeling right now. I only care about him. Why isn't he back in here yet?

"Everyone" Lola confirms. 

I should've asked more questions. Why did Aaron hit me? Why did someone already hit him? Why was I dragged into Lolas drama? Why can't I ever have fun at parties? 

But every thought I had disappeared when Sapnap entered the room again. His eyes are even more bloodshot now, his cheeks are damp, and my mum is nowhere to be seen. He shoots Lola and Percy a look, silently asking them to leave the room so we can be alone. They leave with no protest, but I do notice the sour look on Percys face as they walk out.

Sapnap shuts the door and sits at the foot of the bed, his back facing me. He turns his head but I can't see his whole face. We sit in silence for what feels like forever. I wait and wait for him to say something, I need him to say something. 

"I'm sorry" his voice sounds rough, like he's been constantly screaming for says. "I don't know what else I can say to you, just that i'm-" he stops.

I don't say anything. I wait for him to continue, I can't speak until I hear everything he has to say to me. I need to know all of his regrets before I can share anything with him. 

"I'm just so sorry" he finally faces me. "I never wanted any of this to happen, Karl. I never wanted to lose you".

"Does Harmony know you're here?" I question.

"No" he says truthfully. "I haven't talked to her since last night. I-I don't want to believe that she was the one that started all of this, I have hope that she's still a good person. But I know that she did play a part in it".

"Why?"

"Karl, she's known about us since she walked in on us at the other party" he looks into my eyes and i'm met with the memories of us laying on the ground together. Everything was so different then.

"I don't know what Percy and Aaron were fighting about" I frown as he says it. I didn't even know they had a fight. "I showed up to help Aaron out, but then I heard a bit of whatever he was saying  and I knew that it had come out. Th-The way everyone looked at us, Karl. Everyone knows how we feel about each other".

"How do we feel about each other?" I feel myself leaning in closer to him, waiting to hear him say the words. 

"You know how we feel" his voice is barely above a whisper. "Or felt"

Or felt...

"Is that how it is now?" I ask, tears building up in my eyes again. "You feel nothing for me now, it was all just before?"

"Don't-" he chokes. "Don't make me the bad guy, please Karl. I can't have you hating me".

I don't say anything to him. I just stare at him, tears pouring out of my eyes. I've cried over Sapnap many times before, every time has been painful. He tears me apart, piece by piece. But this time is different, even if I didn't feel the physical pain coming from my head, the real pain is coming deep from my stomach, from my chest. It wasn't piece by piece this time, it was sudden and final. 

"We can talk again when you're better" he stands up from the bed, refusing to look at me. "But please, don't reach out first. I'll come for you".

"Why did you come here?" I speak up, my voice raised making the pain spread even further.

"I don't know" he doesn't once look back at me. He just walks out.

Sapnap has pulled at the last thread of me, unravelling me into nothing but a useless string. 

-------

hey besties 

ive held this one in for SOOOO LONG !!!!

but it still isnt fun yet!!!!! its only going to become even more fun !!!!!!!

now i know you're losing me is an unreleased song, so i do have a backup song in case the link isnt working , and that song is: The Gold by Phoebe Bridgers

i hope you all liked this chapter!!! things are starting to HAPPEN 

its always been happening but its even more happening now ??? that doesnt make sense but OH WELL

how are you all?? give me all the updates!!

ive been trying to post more regularly now, im really trying for an update every 2-3 days !! ive noticed that posting this way keeps me motivated lolololol 

i am however very very sorry if im posting at weird times for yall.... we just have different timezones im so sorry

before i go i quickly just want to THANK YOU ALL for the support and love you have all shown me after these recent updates, yall really are the best <3

i love you all <3