13: Never Felt So Alone

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Karl Jacobs

--

I sit in a waiting room, Mr Mavric talking to someone at the desk. I look at the spread of brochures in front of me on a low desk, lifeline numbers written everywhere. There's no one else in the waiting room with us, all I can do is sit in my own silence while I ignore the small talk they're having at the front desk while Mr Mavric signs paperwork for me. I wish my mum could be here with me. I don't know what to expect while i'm here.

"Karl?" I look up to see a blond woman around my mums age looking around for me. I stand up and she gives me a welcoming smile. "Come on in".

Mr Mavric and I walk in together. We take our seats and I look around the room. There's many cheesy 'be happy' posters along with photos of celebrities i'm assuming she likes or finds motivating. On her desk is a photo of her family, there's two young kids, her wife and a small black puppy. I stare longer at the happy, trying to remember the last time my family got a photo like that. 

"I'm Marianne" she smiles, catching my attention. "I know you're Karl, but you are?" she trails off as she looks at Mr. Mavric.

"I'm Karls teacher and his mothers" he pauses to think. "I'm his mothers close friend. I'm Tom".

"Right, right" Marianne writes something down then looks back up at us. "So Tom, I just need you to sign this for today and then either you or Karl need to pass this on to Mrs Jacobs". Marianne passes Mr Mavric papers and I stay sitting silent. "Once you're done i'm going to ask you to leave so we can officially start our first session" Marianne gives me a motivating smile.

Mr Mavric finishes signing what he needs to sign then leaves the room. Marianne moves seats so she's now sitting across from me. Her books are sitting in her lap, a black pen is between her fingers, her hair is now tied up in a low pony, and she's just staring at me like she's waiting for me to talk.

"Okay, Karl" she smiles again. "Have you ever seen a therapist before?" I shake my head. "That's okay. I'm sure you know the basics, we're here to listen and give advice when it's needed. If you want to just sit here in silence we can, I could even put on music. If you just want to talk about your favourite book, you can. I'm just here for you".

"Okay" I can't think of anything else to say. "I don't really know what to say".

"That's alright" she smiles, again. "How about we do an activity to get to know each other" I just nod my head. 

Marianne gets up and goes to her desk. She pulls out a folder from her draws, then grabs some papers. She makes her way back to her chair and passes a sheet to me, along with a blue pen. I look down at the paper, it's full of questions like 'what is your favourite colour?'. 

"We will both fill these out and then when we're done we'll pass them to each other. That way we learn some things about each other, and we can ask questions about our answers. It's a nice icebreaker" she smiles. Again. 

The room falls silent as we both start filling out our sheets. I write all my answers, my favourite colour is purple, my hobbies are art and games, my favourite show is Over The Garden Wall, my favourite memory is going camping with Sapnap. I continue answering every question until I get to the last one, 'what is your favourite family holiday tradition?'. I stare at it not having a real answer for it. Marianne announces that she's done, so I just act like I am too before passing my paper to hers. I watch her look through the paper, her eyes lingering on that last question. She doesn't say anything about it. 

"My daughter loves Over The Garden Wall, my wife is a big fan of cartoons so our kids also love cartoons" Marianne laughs while I look through answers.

"And your favourite show is Bridgerton, very different to cartoons" she laughs. 

Mariannes favourite memory is when she met her wife while they were at a mutual friends wedding, her favourite colour is light blue, she loves One Direction, and her favourite family holiday tradition is Christmas morning. 

"What is a 'sapnap'?" She looks at me with a confused expression. 

"Sapnap is my best friend" I smile. "His name is Nick, but I just call him Sapnap because that's his name in games" Marianne just nods her head. "We didn't meet online though, a lot of people think we did".

"How did you meet?" she places the paper down so I have all of her attention. 

"We met at school. Our parents actually became friends before we did, one day I was at his house for a BBQ and we've just been super close since".

"That's nice" she smiles sweetly. "Would you say he's important to you?"

"Yea, of course" I hesitate. "I sometimes believe he's the most important person to me".

"What makes you say that?" She frowns.

"I don't have many friends, and i'm not close with my parents. The only person in my life who is constant is Sap- Nick. He's always around and he's always been there for me" I say honestly.

"You can call him Sapnap" she smiles, but then her face falls serious. "How do you feel when he's not around?"

"It's hard" I shrug. "He has a girlfriend now and obviously she's his priority most of the time. We didn't talk for like a month, and that's okay. I was okay. I just missed him all the time".

"I have a feeling you already know this, but when you're so close with someone like you are with Nick, it can be damaging. You can't become dependent on someone" Marianne gives me another small smile and I just stay silent. 

For the rest of the session we discuss cartoons. I'm not ready to tell her about other, real, things. Hearing her talk about Sapnap was enough for one day. 

--

ELLO ELLO

how are we all doing??? 

hows everyone liking the story? i love feedback ALWAYS 

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so keep a look out !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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ily all <3

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