Hidden Love (Tronnor fanfiction)

~41~ Away

Connor's pov

They say hope is the only thing stronger than fear, but what if there's almost no hope left? What if fear is controlling your life? Did anyone ever knew an answer to that? Well I do.

When fear is controlling you, you do weird things. Things you never thought you would do. In my case that's going to Australia. My fear is losing people, but right now my fear is losing someone I've already lost and that scares the shit out of me to be fair. People would say I'm insane, I just say fear drives me to do things that give me hope. Hope is stronger than fear and I have hope for love.

There's only one thing I can do to fight for my love, that's going to Australia, to Troye.

There is this thing I have been thinking about for a month now actually. I should've done it back then, if I had done it, Troye wouldn't have to lose me or his family.

I've been thinking about moving to Australia. It has been playing on my mind for a while now. I hated to never be able to actually be close to him, to hold him in my arms. Skype wasn't enough for me, neither was it for him apparently. I just wish he had told me instead of just breaking up with me because he thought that would be better.

I have been looking at houses close to Troye's a few weeks ago. I found one I liked actually, but then I started getting doubts, like usual. I didn't want to leave Brandon behind, he was such a big support, but so was Troye actually. If I look back at it now, I wish I had bought the house, I wish I was now with Troye. That we could have our happily ever after, but I'm not there and I'm not together with Troye. That's reality. We don't live in a fairy tail and sometimes I need to remind myself that. If something goes wrong, it's not always going to have a good end. Not everything is fixable.

Will I ever be able to fix things between us, is the question. Sage can say what she wants and that he regrets everything he said, but the only thing I want to know is why he had said that about my sister. He knows that's the worst thing he could possibly ever tell me. What if there is a hint of truth in it? That he really thinks it. If that's true then I can never be with him. I don't want to live with someone who thinks I'm the cause of someone's death. I'm not a murderer, but what if that was the only thing that could change my mind? That would finally make the click to forget about him. Well it didn't work if that was the case. I will never forget about him and as you can see, I won't give up. I will not give up on love. I need to know the truth, the complete truth.

I'm going to Australia, now. I take the first flight and go to his house. That's the only thing I could possibly do. His reaction when he sees me will tell me everything I need to know.

Brandon...
I should tell him. I can't just leave him behind without telling him. He won't understand it though. Why would someone fly to the other side of the world to see the boy who broke your heart. Right, no one except me. Maybe I'm different, maybe I've always known it that I'm different. I'm not just your stereotypical boy and that's okay. I'm completely okay with that. You don't need to fit in with what society thinks is right. Everyone is born to stand out, born to be himself and to be completely unique. The world may know who I am. I'm proud to be who I am and I'm going to let the world know it. I'm going to do something I was afraid of, no terrified of. I was terrified of being different, terrified of being gay and now I'm going to let the world know. There's no point in hiding who you are. You can't live your life always hiding from who you are. I accepted who I am, so why would I be afraid of the world knowing it. As long as I am happy, it's okay.

I'm not happy now though. Not with this thing with Troye going on. If I'm in Australia and I see Troye really regrets saying those things, then there's maybe a last chance for us. But if I see Troye really meant those things, we will never have a chance of being together again. I don't need people in my life who don't accept my actions.