THE SEVENTH || (Taekook/Vkook) ||

Chapter 39: You're so golden

Taehyung shut the door to his boss's office with a light heart, or... a lighter heart. Bang-pd was right, he did feel a bit better getting it all off his chest.

Obviously his talk with the CEO didn't suddenly restore his trust in Jungkook nor the members, how could it possibly? The pain Taehyung had been feeling all this time hadn't healed properly, hadn't healed at all really. 

He just found a way to cope with it by fooling himself, such a natural and stupid thing to do. But also so common amongst human beings when experiencing pain, hurt or even the slightest bit of inconvenience. It's tragic but true. And Taehyung was its latest victim. Either way, the talk with Bang-pd put certain things into perspective for him and it was probably the first time in a while where he could honestly and loudly say that he wasn't fine, he wasn't okay. It was as if the role he had been playing was cut from the show, the character was dying and now he had to cope and show his true emotions to the world. When you've accepted a different reality than what is actually true for so long, it gets hard to deal with all the feelings and anxiety that comes back to bite you in the ass.

But Taehyung was just feeling better about pursuing that ideal future of dealing with his crap and pain knowing that he had people supporting him wholeheartedly. Obviously the members would support him too, Jungkook most certainly would turn the world upside down to make sure that Taehyung was feeling his best, he would work a million times harder to prove his worth and that he was trustworthy, if he knew. But he doesn't, none of them know and Taehyung is okay with that. 

He wanted to try and solve this on his own before causing a tear in the hearts of his loved ones. But it wasn't only because of that reason that Taehyung didn't want to tell or involve his boyfriend or his hyungs. It was also, mostly, because they did it to him, they were the cause of his aches and he didn't want their help in healing and dealing with the scars they cut into his skin and heart in the first place. Those who hurt you don't deserve to be your saviors too.

This was the problem since every emotion hit him like a truck, since that final time Jungkook broke up with Taehyung once again, since Taehyung started seeing clearly again without a fog blurring his vision and making him look like a fucking clown. The problem was that he went from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. One second he was cuddly and happy, the next he was distant and empty. He had been like that ever since the day he caught Jungkook cheating, even before that really when he was being neglected and ignored. All because of the simple fact that he didn't deal with his feelings, he forgave in a matter of weeks, he accepted in words what he hadn't accepted in his heart, he let himself be treated like fucking garbage even after the revelation of Jungkooks infidelity and his member's betrayals. This was what was catching up to him, absolutely everything.

So, Taehyung needed to think.

Taehyung needed to figure out what to do, what was fair, and he wanted to do it on his own terms. He couldn't keep excusing and forgiving their behavior the way he had been. He wasn't okay and he needed them to know it at some point. He needed to think first and then whatever happens happens. It's better to live with their pity, regretful gazes, cautious actions, and a big fat elephant in the room than for him to let his own mind destroy everything that he had been working so hard for. For once it was actually his turn to be selfish. 

He got fucked over and still chose to feel sorry for his boyfriend and members. He feels like he was guilt-tripped, manipulated, and pressured to get to where they are now; a beautiful fake reality.

Taehyung wasn't thinking all of this for the pure reason of taking revenge on his lover, nor his members. He actually wanted his relationship to work, more than anything. But right now he knew that if he continued down the path he was going of ignorance and pretending, he would loathe them all. Even though he already did at times. It wasn't his fault, he couldn't control it. If you don't heal, you dwell and if you dwell, you despise. Therefore he needed to let himself feel, to resolve, and take action. Whatever the outcome might be.