Bad Blood

16

Lexa's POV

There was just a sea of black. Swallowing me whole and bringing me back to where I belonged. I used to sit in the corner of my closet, with the lights out, and just cry.

I remember I was covering my ears, trying to block out the sound of my parents fighting. I was only nine, but I have dealt with the fighting all my life. Calum banged three times on the wall, signalling me to come over to him. Like a helpless animal, I did. I popped my head out of my door and made sure none of my parents saw me. If they did they would drag me into the fight and have me instigate. When the coast was clear, I crawled to Cal's room. He was the same way I was just. Except he was huddled under his covers and waited for me. With the tears still slipping out of my eyes I ran to my older brother for protection.

I remember I asked him why mom and dad fought so much, all he did was break down and tears. To see my unbreakable brother break made me scared. I hugged his body and cried along with him. The sounds of our mother screaming made me want to scream as well.

"Hey, hey, hey, why are you crying?" Calum asked me. His eyes were glossy from the tears and I shrugged my shoulders. "Listen, if I stop crying, will you stop?" He asked me. He rest his hands on my cheeks, his thumbs wiped away the tears. I shrugged once more and he laughed through the final tears that fell.

"Do you want to watch a movie? The Lion King? Harry Potter?" He asked, moving from his bed and to his closet, where he kept all the movies.

"Can we watch Toy Story?" I asked my older brother. He smiled and nodded, reaching to get the movie. After he put it on, making sure to turn up the volume to drown out the sound, he sat on the bed with my head resting in his lap.

"I'm so sorry, Lex." I heard him whisper.

At the age of fourteen, my parents were still fighting. I cried so hard that I couldn't breathe. I knew the fighting would never stop. The verbal abuse would never stop. I cried as my brother hugged me. I felt bad that I broke my promise to Cal about stopping my crying, because after that day he never cried over that again. I bet he was just trying to be strong for me. I wanted to die, though I never told anyone. I would lie awake at night thinking of ways to do so. I could jump out of my window, seeing as I was on the second floor. I could potentially die from that. I could swallow a handful of pills and slip into a blissful sleep. I wouldn't have the nerve to do anything else. Those two were my only options, but one night as Cal was strumming on his acoustic to an Ed Sheeran song, singing the words too, I jumped off his bed and cleared an area.

"What are you doing?" I remember him asking. I motioned for him to keep going and he did. Singing louder and stronger. I smiled smally and close my eyes. My body started moving along to the song. It was like the lyrics were coming to life and theu were living through my movements. With every turn and every leap, I felt myself becoming the song. I was part of a different world when I danced. I could become anyone I wanted. I could become a heartbroken lover, a delicate heart, a badass model, a love stricken girl, a ballerina, a demonic person. I could become anyone with the right song. I felt free. Dance was my escape, my stress reliever. I would and still do dance for hours on end when I was upset. Even when I was happy.

One day I invited Madison over and parents started fighting. I was embarrassed and she told me she was here for me and that she would never judge me. I cried into her arms until I got myself together and walked over to my speaker. I plugged in my phone and started dancing, I didn't know she was recording me. Thats how I got my scholarship.

I don't know what I would do without her. She made me into a person that I could be proud of. She was there at my lows and my highs. Yes, I will miss her, but maybe I got what I wished for when I was fourteen. Death.

I couldn't die now. Now I have Luke. Cal would need me more than ever. Madison would lose her mind if I died. I don't know how I am going to stay alive, but I know I have to.