Bad Blood

30

Lexa's POV

"And you've been feeling ill for a week?" The doctor asks me. I nod my head slightly. I was hooked up to various machines and I felt like if I moved at all everything would be ruined.

"Only now it became serious? Have you had this happen before?" I shook my head.

"Well, Ms. Hood, we are gonna run some tests. I will be back with the results in a while. Try to get some rest. I will send a nurse in here momentarily." He smiles at me. The doctor had greying hair and blue eyes. Looked to be in his late forties, but I could be wrong.

A minute after he was out the door a nurse was in my room. "Have you seen the people that are waiting for me?" I asked her out of nowhere.

"Yes, its quite a crowd out there. You are lucky, some people don't have anybody." She tells me sadly.

"Have you seen a boy with blonde hair out there? He has a lip ring?" I know that we had fought, but I was hoping he would be here. After one year, he can't just drop me completely from his memory can he?

"No, I'm sorry dear." The nurse fixed my cords. I told her it was okay in reality i wanted to cry. I wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay.

I don't even know if we broke up, thats the worst part. I closed my eyes and tried to get as comfortable as I could.

The nurse left me and I was alone. My biggest fear was being alone. I always had Calum, and then I had Madison and Michael, then Ashton and Luke came along. I always had someone there. I was never just by myself. Everyone either knows me as Lexa and Calum, Lexa and Madison, Lexa and Luke. I've never been just Lexa Hood.

Though, now that I think about it, maybe I should become my own person. There is no way in hell I am leaving Madison or Calum, but I should start to make a name for myself, but I'm not ready for that yet.

Don't worry, little one, everyone has a dark time in there life. A time where they feel like they don't belong. A time when they want to become someone they aren't. When that time comes, think of me. You won't be alone.

That's what my Papa told me almost a week before he died. I started to cry, why was it my world that came crumbling beneath me? I've almost lost my best friend, I've almost lost myself and I lost my boyfriend.

"Papa," I said through the tears, "Papa, if you can hear me, I want to tell you that I am sorry. I am sorry for letting you down. I promised you I would stay strong. I broke that promise a long time ago, but then Luke came along and made things okay for a while. I shouldn't have let myself get too attached. Its my fault. I should have known I was going to get fucked over one way or another, but remember that girl Madison I told you about? She is still here. Thank God for that. Calum still loves me. Mom and dad love me, but have weird ways of showing it, but enough about me. Are you okay? Are you enjoying your time up there? I know you told me one day you would be accepted to the paradise with the golden gates and beds of clouds, but I never realized what you meant. I love you Papa and I need you more than ever. " my bottom lip trembled and I let he tears dry against my cheeks.

"Maybe I can join you." I said quitely.

"Ms. Hood?" Right when the doctor came in, I opened my eyes. "You are going to stay overnight. We found something wrong with your liver, but it's not too major."

"Am I going to live?" I asked him.
"We'll make sure you do." He smiled.

"Can you tell my family I am sorry when you go back out there? And that I love them." I asked. He nodded at me. "Thank you."