Drifting Through The Clouds

Chapter 21

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Chapter 21

Bea's POV

There are things that people doesn't really know about me.. because they are blinded by those things that they could only see with their eyes. But I bet that if they could only see through me? Then maybe they would stop saying how lucky I am because I have this, I have that, etc. It's not that I am not grateful of what I have though.. I really am grateful, pero tao lang din naman ako and I feel like there's a missing piece of me.

I was okay with how the things are going in my life that day.. but I never really felt that I was fine at all until she came in. What's with this girl ba? Ewan ko. Ewan ko rin.

"Ate Bei, are you okay?"

I shrugged at Pongs. "Don't know.. Maybe I'm just tired?"

I can't even remember how many times these people who are close to me asking me with the same question everyday. Hindi naman ako nawawalan ng focus sa games. It's just that maybe they could also feel how plain I am. This is not me.

"What's been bothering you lately ba, ate Bei?" Deanna asked when she sat beside me.

"I am looking for answers.." wala sa sarili kong sagot sa tanong niya.

I actually have the answers with me.. but I am having a hard time accepting it.

"Answers for what ba? Don't tell me.. you're leaving the team na?"

I laughed at her because she looked funny. "No! Of course not."

She tapped my shoulder as a sign of relief. "That's good! Akala ko naman.."

"Deans.. did you ever feel like you already lost the game even if it hasn't really started yet?"

Deanna seriously looked at me. Wrong person to ask with that damn stupid question! "You know what, D? Never mind." I even laughed at myself para lang hindi na siya sumagot. I know she's going through something right now. She's a lot in her plate already and I don't want to add more.

"Yeah, I did." seryoso nitong sagot sa akin. She switched her gaze on our teammates practicing. "And I gave up just like that. But only if I could turn back time? I probably should have still fought for it since I was given the chance to, even if I think that I have no chance of winning. Dapat nilaban ko pa rin, so that I won't have this kind remorse every time I look back."

I was taken aback of her answer. I don't really know anything that happened between Deanna and Jema, and I could feel her regrets.

"I think.. mas okay na nilaban ko kahit alam kong matatalo ako than without even trying at all. Right?" she bitterly smiled. "So whatever it is na bumo-bother sa'yo.. I think you should think it through. Hindi lahat nabibigyan ng chance to fight."

Nagpaalam na rin siya akin na babalik na siya sa practice pero ako.. I'm still here. I'm still stuck in here looking at Caitlin, and as if on cue, our eyes met as she shyly smiled.