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Chapter 3
"I just really don't understand why we had to break up." singhot pa nito. "Nasanay na ako, eh. She became my world, my whole life. Hindi ko lang maintindihan saan ako nagkulang. Or kasalanan ko ba talaga? Was I too much? Did I expect too much from her? Tangina."
Deanna's endless rants of her pain made us drink more than we were supposed to. Nandito kanina si Ponggay and Jamie but they left na since ayaw nila mag-inom masyado. Tsaka lang naman naglabas ng saloobin si Deanna when they left. Kaming apat na lang ang natitira.. si Bea, si Deanna, si Regine, at ako.
"Reg. Tell me nga.. What do you think of me? I mean.. Nakikita mo ba sa akin na too much ako? Ha?" parang batang pangungulit ni Deanna sa katabing si Regine.
I rested my hand on Bea's lap to get her attention. "Tama na kaya? Sobrang lasing na si Deans." bulong kong may pag-aalala.
Umiling ito. "She'll stop when she's had enough. Hindi mo mapapatigil 'yan lalo na that she's heartbroken." she said sabay inom ng alak na nasa baso niya.
"Alam mo, Deans? Ang nakikita ko sa'yo? You love too much, yes." pagsagot ni Reg sa tanong ni Deans. "Not that it's a bad thing, huh? Pero baka she doesn't need much.. maybe she needs just enough love. Maybe.. maybe lang, ha? Let's say you loved her too much.. hindi mo ba naisip na baka it suffocated her?"
Napatahimik si Deanna at natigil paghihila sa laylayan ng damit ni Reg. "I.. I didn't think about that."
Reg sighed. "Tignan mo.. You gave her too much of your love tapos ngayon ikaw yung naubusan para sa sarili mo. For sure, ayaw din ni Jema na hindi ka nagtitira para sa sarili mo."
Bea nodded. "Yeah.. I think so too. Maybe you showered her with so much love that you failed to reserve any for yourself, prioritizing her happiness over your own. You forgot that you also deserve to be happy and to be taken care of. Siguro iyon 'yung naging problema.. masyado kang nag-focus na ibigay lahat ng pagmamahal sa kanya, pagmamahal na sobra-sobra na baka tingin niya hindi naman niya kailangan."
This time Deanna seriously shifted her attention to Bea. Nagtitigan lang sila ng ilang segundo. "Are we still talking about me and Jema or.."
"Shut up, Deans. Uminom ka na lang at mag-rant." pag-iwas nito.
"Did you also give her too much love that she doesn't need?" hindi pa rin pagbitaw ni Deans.
Sino'ng tinutukoy niya? May naging jowa ba si Bea? Parang puro rumors lang naman noong college? Si Thirdy kaya? Pero bakit her at she?
Mariing tinitigan ni Bea ang katabi ni Reg na ngayon ay seryoso na ring nakikinig. "Maybe." matapang na sagot nito.
"Or baka hindi lang talaga ganoong klase ng pagmamahal 'yung hanap at kailangan niya. Baka hindi kagaya ko iyong makakapagbigay ng pagmamahal na gusto o kailangan niya. Baka hindi lang talaga ako." pagdugtong pa nito sabay ubos sa natitirang alak na nasa baso niya. She also poured another drink in her glass.
"Hindi mo naman ipinaglaban 'di ba?"
Ngumisi ito sa kausap. "Why, Deans? Did you ever love someone without putting up a fight?"
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