Drifting Through The Clouds

Chapter 34

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Chapter 34

"Ate Bei, okay ka lang?"

I started faking smiles so that they won't ask anymore. I don't want to burden my friends.. I don't want them to see me crumbling. I can't let them see me breaking.. again.

It's been days since Cait and I last spoke to each other. And everyday keeps getting worse as I try to hide and keep the pain all by myself. I barely go out with the team, I barely talk with them, and sometimes I space out that the team gets worried.

"Oo naman. Why'd you ask?" I answered Thang habang nagpupunas ako ng pawis.

"Kasi naman 'tong si Bel, overthinker! Hindi daw kayo nagpapansinan ni Darling, away mag-asawa daw!" pang-aasar niya sa akin.

I refused to feel any pain right now kaya naman tinapik ko na lang siya sa braso at mahinang tumawa. "Focus on your diggings, not on digging my love life!"

Narinig ko pang nagtawanan ang dalawa sa biro ko sakanila bago sila iwanan. I walked straight sa changing area namin.. I put both of my hands at the edge of the sink and carefully stared at my reflection. I practiced smiling..

Way to go, Bea. You can do it. Don't let her affect you.

I washed my hands first and fixed my hair but before I could leave, someone had already opened the door and closed it. The composure that I have is gone now and my heart feels like it's going to explode. It was Caitlin.

We looked at each other in the mirror.. Mabilis ko rin namang iniwasan ang mga titig niya nang ngumiti ito. No, Cait.. You don't get to smile at me after making me go through the same pain you promised that I'll never have to feel again.

"K-kamusta?" may alanganin pang pagtatanong nito.

I cleared my throat and answered without trying to take a look at her. "What do you want me to answer? Would you like me to say that I'm okay.. or tell you the truth that I'm not?"

Huminga ako nang malalim. I hate myself for being this way. Ayokong maging ganito katigas sakanya. Ayokong saktan siya sa mga salita ko.. But what else can I do when every time I try to close my eyes or just blink, her face is all that I could see?

"Please, don't make me look bad here. Don't try to talk to me or say hi or even ask how I'm doing.. 'cause we already called it quits, Cait, so don't make it difficult for me than it already is."

I took one more deep breath to calm myself down before I decided to go back to training. I left Caitlin there... I left her there kahit sobrang nasasaktan ako. I left her there just like what she did to me. If this was just a normal misunderstanding or fight between us, I'd probably go back and hug her.. or baka nga hindi kami aabot sa point that I would have to walkout, kasi aayusin ko agad. I'm so down-bad for Caitlin.. I'd even beg on my knees, hell, I would!

But what's the point now, huh?

"Bei, huy. You okay?"