Retroexposure

Chapter 4 - 23 - 25 September 2007

Sunday 23rd September 2007 12:10pm
Since starting this diary, I've realised that it's gone from a how-I'm-feeling journal to a what-I-did-today journal. I don't suppose that really matters, just as long I can write about whatever it is that I'm feeling instead of bottling things up.
Went to mass this morning. Mum and I had to go by taxi, as we couldn't get a lift to church from anyone else. If we still had a car, we'd always offer a lift to others who couldn't get there. So when we lost the car, we naturally assumed that there would be someone to help us. How wrong we were! As the famous ditty goes, 'to assume makes an ass out of you and me (ass-u-me)' I like that. The taxi firm that we use should start to have a loyalty rate by now!
If I ever win the lottery, I might buy the company! Probably not, thinking about it. I have so many ideas about what I'd do if I ever won a substantial amount of money. I definitely want to go into the property market. Buy a few houses, do them up and rent them out. Say I was the only winner of next Friday's Euro Lottery (£88million jackpot); I'd buy a stake in Leicester City, without a doubt! Clear debts, learn to drive, become a property tycoon. That would be my lottery life, in that order!
I was thinking about that during mass. Not very reverent, I know, but your mind does tend to wander during mass! I was thinking that if we won, how would we celebrate receiving the winning cheque? Well, I think I would see if it could be organised that Phillip Schofield would present Mum and me with the cheque and have the K.I.T.T car from Knight Rider in the background!
I know that there is an official replica of the car in a Coventry car museum; at least I think it's still there. So that could be possible. Although it would be nice to meet Phil, and Fern too, if she was available, it would mainly be for mum's benefit, cos she has a celebrity crush on him! It would either be him, or Paul O'Grady and his dogs. Either one, she has no real preference! Hey, it's nice to dream. What kind of sad life would one lead if they didn't have dreams and aspirations? "Would one lead"? Crikey, who do I think I am, Royalty?? 12:40pm

Monday 24th September 2007 7pm
I knew this would happen. I've finally got to a point where I don't know what to write. I know I'm not expected to write great big essays every single day, but I'd like to think that I could write something interesting. Well, being unemployed means you do the same old crap every single day. The highlight of my day today: Watching an old movie called Pump Up The Volume starring Christian Slater. When I say old, I mean it was made in 1990. Seventeen years ago! That really seems like a generation ago! Just this second heard on the radio that Charlotte Church, the Voice of an Angel turned Rock Chick, has just called her newborn daughter Ruby Megan Hansen. Hansen being her partner, Gavin's, surname.
It's amazing and unusual that a celebrity that has given their child a pretty normal name! For example, Katie Price a.k.a Jordan named her daughter Princess Tiaami! Now I like Katie, I've spoken to her and got a personalised autograph from her, but calling her daughter Princess? It's ok as a nickname e.g. 'She's my little princess' but to officially call her Princess is a bit daft. But that's my opinion. Tiaami, is unusual, I do like that. I just hope that Katie and her husband, Peter Andre, call her Tiaami throughout her life.
Name-dropping time! The most famous person I've ever met? Has to be, no question, Lord Richard Attenborough. When he and his brother, David, were given the freedom of the city in 1990, Richard visited his old Cub Scout troop, the 9th Leicester, my Scout troop! The cubs were special guards of honour at the town hall. That was probably the biggest moment of my life: Until my later claim to fame in 2004/05. 7:19pm

Tuesday 25th September 2007 4:40pm
See what I did there? Left you on tenterhooks, put in a cliffhanger. Thing is, is that that cliffhanger is going to have to wait for another time. What I need to write about now is something that is very personal and very embarrassing. So why am I writing it down in this diary? It's probably because; this is the only way that I can talk about my fears of having this embarrassment. It's self diagnosed Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I say self diagnosed because I'm too embarrassed to talk about it. I mentioned to my new doctor briefly when we moved into the area, and he gave me some Immodium style medication, which should be used if I had diarrhoea. But I use it to constipate myself if I know that I'm more than likely going to be far from a loo.
In the mornings I have to go to the loo at least twice. Maybe more. Take today for example. I went twice this morning and as I headed up the road to the bus stop, I had the urge to go again. I started to panic. For three reasons: 1. I was scared of soiling myself there and then. 2. I was scared about possibly being late for signing on at the designated time at the job centre. 3. I was worried that if I went back home, I won't get to the loo, cos Mum would be on there as she was getting ready to see her chiropractor. It's getting bloody ridiculous. And bizarrely, before this morning, I didn't need to go till lunchtime or even later!
What made today worse than usual is that when I got into town, I thought I needed the loo so badly that I nearly threw up! First time that's ever happened. Just hope that it doesn't repeat itself in the future. This fear of soiling myself is totally controlling my life. It's maybe the reason why I'm not really trying very hard when looking for work. I have to be grateful that I don't have Crohn's disease or something. Apparently the people, who have this, really DO have to plan their day around where the nearest toilet is. This is all psychological, all in my mind. I know that. I've just got to figure out a way to overcome this.
So if writing down my issues and problems in this diary is going to help me, then I'll carry on with this for as long as is necessary! 4:57pm

11:10pm
Good evening of television tonight. Watched a controversial documentary about bringing up babies. One 'expert', and I say that loosely, in my opinion anyway, suggested that newborn babies ought to be left on their own as much as possible and have regimented mealtimes and bedtimes. For example the 'expert' suggested leaving the baby in the garden for three hours on his or her own (can't remember if it was a boy or a girl!). That's absolutely crazy! It may have been ok in the 50s to leave a child unattended in the garden, but in this day and age it's an absolute crime.
Society has deteriorated rapidly in that respect. In the 50s you could leave your back doors unlocked and you property would be safe. These days your property would be trashed by a bunch of unruly ASBO tagged teenage tearaways. Forgive me, but that's my opinion. And apologises, if that offends. I don't mean to generalise, as not all teenagers are like that, just some of them. It's the way I've been brought up and raised I guess.
I was always taught good manners and respect your elders. And usually I do that. Can't say that I always treat my mum like that, and that's being honest. I had a pretty major anger management issue some time back. I knew I needed help when I attacked mum and left her with a bruised cheekbone for two weeks. Totally hated myself for doing that.
Going back to the point earlier, babies cannot and should not be left on their own outdoors because sad those this might be to say, but it's highly possible that that baby could be abducted. It's a sad sign of the times. It's on the news most days; it's even made into TV dramas. Madeline McCann has been missing now for 145 days, and apparently, Gerry and Kate, her parents, are slowly coming round to the possible idea that little Maddie may no longer be alive.
I feel sorry for them, I truly do. But why the hell did they leave her and her twin brother and sister in their holiday apartment while they went for a meal? That was stupid too. But they made a mistake, and it's one that they will have to live with that for the rest of their lives, and that will be Kate and Gerry's eternal punishment. 11:32pm