Retroexposure

Chapter 17 - December

Saturday 1st December 2007 9:44am

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words and thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?" After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
"Great Jane, that has two syllables Mon – day. Does anyone know another word?"
"I do, I do, me, me, me," replied Johnny. Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humour she picks Mike instead.
"Ok Mike, what is your word?"
"Saturday," says Mike.
"Great, that has three syllables."
Not wanting to be outdone, Johnny says, "I know a four syllable word, pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large, the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K Johnny, what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas-tur-ba-tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to regain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful."

"No, Ma'am, your thinking of blow job, and that's only two syllables."

Crude, I know, but it made me laugh.
10:12am

Tuesday 4th December 2007 7:46pm

It is signing-on day again. I've not really been looking that much this last fortnight. But today I did drop off my CV at a new shoe shop that opened just this week. I'm hoping that something comes from this. I've not been feeling too well as of late either. I've caught a bit of the flu bug that's been going round. Among the jobs I had to do in town today, I had to pick up my new replacement birth certificate. But they screwed up, initially. They copied out my brother's birth certificate instead. I recognised the writing from a distance, so I first thought that it was mine. The woman asked me my name, my date of birth, and then my father's name. I told her and she said "But you are down here as Christopher Mark David."
I replied, "No, I'm not. That's my brother's."
She said, "Are you sure this isn't yours?"
I was exasperated! "Of course I'm sure," I said, "My brother died 26 years ago!"
Apologetically, she said she'd go and look for my certificate. When she came back, she told me that my certificate wouldn't scan, for a reason I'm not sure of, and had to copy out a fresh one there and then. This was the first and I'm sure the only time that I have ever been mistaken for my brother. And although the whole scenario was irritating at the time, I found the whole story hysterically funny!! 8.02pm

Wednesday 5th December 2007 6:49pm

Still fighting this flu bug that's been going around. My nose is streaming faster than the Grand Union Canal locks!
Mum and I got around to putting up the Christmas decorations. It feels too early to put up decorations, yet I can't believe that three weeks today is Boxing Day!
I spoke to the friend who split with his wife and hooked up with the third party. Ironically he and the wife seem to be getting on better now that they broke up. That always seems to be the case! Any time you read about a couple breaking up, it appears that they get on better afterwards. Strange. My head is absolutely killing me at the moment. So, I'm signing off for now! 7:01pm

Thursday 6th December 2007 10:38pm

This bug has really knocked me for six! I keep thinking I'm having a nosebleed, cos that's the kind of smell/taste that this flu is giving me.
I'm desperate to get a job. I got a rejection letter the other day for a post as an editorial assistant. It was from the British Psychological Society and the letter arrived and Mum saw it, and she initially thought that I had arranged to see a psychiatrist! Thanks, Mum! If I had arranged to see one, don't you think I'd have told her about it? 10:45pm

Tuesday 11th December 2007 9:02am

I should have written yesterday, seeing as it was Dad's birthday, but I completely forgot. Which is really bad considering that all I did yesterday was play on my PS2 and watch a few films while Mum was out last night.
After the lousy weather we've been having lately, it was a lovely sight to see everywhere look like a wintry picture postcard. The radio's weather report has said that it'll be frosty overnight tonight too, so I'll take my camera with me tomorrow! When I first saw the frosty park, I suddenly burst into a rendition of 'White Christmas'. I'm usually a lousy singer, but I surprised myself. I thought I sounded good! Out came a rich and deep tenor voice. When I sing normally, wailing cats are more in tune than I am! There I am taking the piss, and I sound better than I've ever done! I blame the cold, but sharp, air. That may have helped.
Tonight is the annual dinner party with a couple of our friends. It's the first time in a couple of years that we've actually cooked something; the other occasions have involved trips to the takeaway! What's a bit bad about this new house is that there is not that much space to open out our dining table, which we used to do back at the old house. I measured the room at the old house and then the room at the new house, and realised that we were losing about six or seven feet in length. It wasn't really noticeable until now. Now, we are missing that few feet! 9:22am