Retroexposure

Chapter 12 - The Fame Game

Sunday 21st October 2007 3:51pm
Last night I needed to use my Dictaphone so that I could remember what to write about. Usually I write off the cuff, but today I intended to plan what I was going to write. The only reason I did that last night is that I thought about something that I was going to write about today, but when I went to bed, I completely forgot what it was.
Saturdays are going to be chock-a-block in the evenings when it comes to watching the evening programmes. You have The X-Factor on ITV1 and Strictly Come Dancing on BBC1. And they are shown at the same time. So, because X-Factor started earlier, we watched that. The contestant that got kicked off at the end of the night didn't deserve to go. There was one act in particular that was so bad that I will never hear that Beatles song in the same way ever again. Sharon Osbourne went into a right strop as two of her acts were in the bottom two. But, what's done is done.
I've always been a fan of reality shows, I must confess. I've even tried to get on Big Brother once, back in the day when you had to send in audition tapes. Well I'd done my tape and I filled out the application form, but when it came to putting the two together to send it off, I couldn't find the form. I looked everywhere for it. Three days after the closing date, I found the form. Mum had hidden it because she didn't want me to go on such a demeaning show! The following year, she got hooked into the Big Brother experience while I was at work! Since then we've both become avid viewers.
Which brings me on to the cliffhanger I left you on back on September 24th! My claim to fame: Back in September 2004, Mum and I attended Obesity awareness group called Helping Obese People Everywhere, or as it's better known, H.O.P.E. Denise, the organiser and founder of the group loved trying to get the group as much publicity as possible. And deservedly so because she'd had what is called a gastric bypass, and was able to lose practically half of her body weight within a year. Anyway, around that time, the government were planning on bringing out a 'white paper' to make people more aware of the increase in obesity in today's next generation. So at one of HOPE's meetings, Sue Saville, ITN's Medical correspondent, was there with a cameraman to film our meeting and interview one or two of us. Seeing as I was the youngest member there, Denise suggested that Sue should interview me. I was thrilled, flattered and excited. Nervous too. The interview went well. Then a few days later, I had a phone call from Sue. Her bosses wanted to do a proper report. On yours truly! I couldn't believe it! So, of course I said yes.
I helped run an Internet fan forum at the time, and so I told a select few of my friends on the forum. But within a matter of hours, every one on the forum knew. I promised that I would wear a football shirt that connected me to the fan forum. And even have the website in the background if I could. So Sue came around and with her camera crew filmed my mum and I eating our lunchtime dinner, as we sat in front of the TV. Then we did an interview in the computer room, thus successfully having the website in the background! We then filmed me going into my local chip shop and getting a bag of chips. The chip shop was a regular haunt of mine, and the extra publicity helped it too! It was a fun day of filming.
We were told that it would be shown on the following Monday. So when that day arrived, I watched the National Lunchtime news bulletin with a greater interest than normal! I didn't have to wait long. My news report was at the top of the headlines! I couldn't believe it! I was well chuffed! Then later at 6pm, Mum shouted up to me (I was in my computer room – where else?), that my news report, slightly different to the lunchtime report, was on the local news! Because I was from Leicester, Central News wanted the report as well. Then I saw that I was on the National news again at 6:30. Three times in one day! I couldn't believe it, I know that Celebrities deal with things like that all the time, but to us ordinary folk, getting on once is cool, but getting on three times, twice nationally, I'd never seen it before.
The following day Central News phoned me up, saying that they wanted to do a follow-up and they set me up with a life coach. A life coach is someone that can help you change your lifestyle for the better. Exercise routines, healthy eating plans and other sorts of motivational methods. We even went around ASDA a couple of times with a camera crew. The first time was shopping for fresh food like meats, fruits and vegetables. Just on that alone we spent about £40, on food that would last about 3 days. Mum wasn't too impressed and refused to comment on the price in front of camera. I did, and I lied. I said that usually I spent about 60 quid on food shopping so this was good thing. I don't spend that much on food, the price included other amenities like dog food, cleaning products, toiletries and other things.
Central News, me and the Life Coach did a few follow-ups that included me exercising and trying a healthier version of my Favourite dish, spaghetti bolognaise. The Life Coach offered me the chance to have an exercise bike. I was really flattered by the offer and I really wanted it. But, due to a miscommunication, whether it was down to me, or down to the Life Coach herself, it was never determined, I lost out on the bike. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement.
It was now January 2005 and suddenly, one evening, I received a phone call from a researcher on the new Trisha Goddard Show that was due to start on channel 5 in the spring. Denise had given them my phone number and the researcher asked if I would be interested. I jumped at this chance! It was a chance to go on a national TV chat show! However, what began as a great day out turned into a farce! While waiting for our show to be recorded, myself and several other guests, including my mum and Denise, were kept in this pokey room that had just recently been whitewashed! We were in what was probably a converted warehouse. You could tell that this was a new series being made as the budget was kept to a minimum! The funniest moment of the day was when a runner came into our waiting room around mid-afternoon and asked if we wanted something from McDonalds. Usually, none of us would have turned that down, but it seemed a ridiculous suggestion considering we were there for an obesity awareness programme.
I remember being in the dressing room area and I was finishing getting dressed. I was talking to someone, I forget whom, and I remember swearing. As I turned around, I saw a petite black woman come through the door. I didn't have my glasses on, so I couldn't see who it was very clearly. But I knew it was Trisha and I immediately apologised! She said not to worry, as she'd heard a whole lot worse in her time! I'd been in the audience for one of Trisha's shows before, when she filmed it in Norwich for Anglia Television, an affiliate for ITV. But seeing the set for her new show at Elstree Studios, the home of Big Brother and Eastenders was a surreal moment.
The interview was ok until they brought out a platter of chips. Now, I wasn't told that they were going to do this, so it threw me a bit. I wasn't entirely sure what the platter was supposed to signify. Was it a week's worth of chips that I supposedly ate, or was it a single serving? I didn't know. Then Trisha accused my mum of deliberately over-feeding me so that I stayed at home and wouldn't be tempted to move out. I interjected and said that that wasn't true. For a start I do all the cooking, so if it's anyone's fault that I'm fat, then it's mine. I then said that I like to live at home, I mean where else can you live in a four bedroomed house for free? The audience laughed at that comment. I think I may have embarrassed Trisha on her own TV show! Whoops!
Days later, a member of the production team phoned me to apologise and say that unfortunately due to a 'technical error my entire segment was inadvertently contaminated' Bollocks! Sorry to swear, but the language at the time was more like effing Bollocks! It wasn't contaminated at all. All they had to say was 'the interview didn't come across very well, for yourself or us, so we feel that it's best that we scrap it.' And I would have accepted that. The reason I thought that is because it's convenient how no-one else's segments were ruined just mine. The show went out, and my slot wasn't there as they'd said. I just told people that I might be on, in case they were able to repair the material.
That wasn't my first furore into television. My first time was taking part in a Channel 4 documentary about an obesity gene that might be in some humans. So a group of volunteers, including me, were invited to a Clinic on London's famous Harley St, to be tested. It turns out that I didn't have the gene, but I had a great day there. I watched carefully as to how the documentary was being made, as it's a field that I'd like to be involved with someday. When I was in front of the camera, I made sure that wearing the loudest shirt that I owned, I could be seen. A Union Jack flag shirt! And for two seconds of the hour-long documentary, I was seen!
The last time I'd been seen on television was when I sat in the Deal Or No Deal audience, which I went to on a coach trip back in May 2006. I was spotted due to my large figure! Never had being so fat been so useful! I've been in the audience for a couple of other game shows in the past before. Catchphrase, many years ago, when Roy Walker still hosted it, and Countdown, when the late Richard Whiteley hosted the show. On all three occasions I managed to get autographs from all the main presenters. I've had my photo taken with few other famous names too, along with Mum. Both Joe Pasquale and Aled Jones posed for photos, and now take pride of place, in the family photo albums! 5:55pm

11:29pm
Remember I told you about the thought I had last night that I'd forgotten? Well I remembered it earlier when I was writing my last entry, and I didn't realise that I'd remembered what I'd forgotten until after I'd written about it! Did that make any sense to you? Cos, I think I've just lost it!!
Talking of losing. It's been a bad weekend for English sport. The rugby team lost yesterday 6-15 to the Springboks, South Africa. But today, cruelly, in my opinion, Lewis Hamilton failed to win the Formula 1 Championship by a single, solitary point. He had led the Championship since virtually the beginning of the racing season, and fell at the final hurdle. Now, I know that's an athletics/horse racing metaphor, but go with me here! Lewis finished in 7th place. Had a couple of drivers, who were battling between the fourth. fifth and sixth places, crashed out, then Lewis would have jumped up in the race standings and would have won the title. But, considering that this was his rookie year in racing, coming second in the championship is a damn good achievement. It's like Leicester getting promoted to the Premier League and coming second at the end of the season. Yes, now I'm using a football analogy, I just can't think of a motor racing one.
It was a cruel end for Lewis, and, apparently, McLaren, his racing team, I think should be blamed. They screwed up his tyres a fortnight ago in China. Lewis had been racing on the wrong tyres for too many laps. So as he was coming in to the pit lane, he lost control of the car and crashed out. Had Lewis won that race, or at least got a podium finish, he would have been the champ 2 weeks ago. What if this? What if that? Life shouldn't be dwelled upon by What Ifs, like I did when Dad died. You should just forget about it and move on. Lewis will win it next year - just you wait and see! 11:50pm

Wednesday 23rd October 2007 1:04am
Just a quick note; yesterday (Tuesday), while in town, I had my usual stint in the internet café, and decided to use my MySpace blogs as the introduction to this diary. Whether it'll work or not, I'm not sure. But looking through it, I think it fits quite well with what I've done so far. As well as doing that, I've turned to the dark side – I've signed up to Facebook! So many people have joined that website over the last year that people were getting addicted to it! So addicted, that they were using it at work, and getting themselves into so much trouble, that employers have decided to ban the website from their workplaces! I was only on the site for twenty minutes, and I felt that I hadn't had a proper look at the site yet! Within minutes, I'd become 'friends' with seven people. Fortunately, they were my real friends. I'd been on their waiting list, so that as soon, as I signed up to the site, I instantly became their Facebook friend! When the news of the Facebook craze hit the headlines, I swore that I'd never join up, I was perfectly happy with MySpace! Looks like I'll have some juggling to do. I'm just glad that I don't have the Internet at home, by the looks of its reputation; I'd be on that site all the flaming time! 1:15am