𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬

36- hate

Zina talked today. It wasn't much that she said, but it was enough for me and my brothers to relax about there being a possibility of her being mute.

She just said 'okay' when Eleandro told her he would get a extra pillow for her, but I know we all exhaled a breath when she answered.

She's been laying in her hospital bed for 3 days straight now. Her situation hasn't worsen but it also didn't get any better. Javi told us she's stable for now, and that even that is a miracle.

For 3 days straight she's only been to the bathroom once- with guidance of a nurse because she wasn't able to walk on her own after not walking for 5 days- and she barely eats a thing. We tried to make her eat, and Eleandro even forced her, but it's like she knows we physically can't force her to do anything. It looks like her stomach is used to not getting any food in it, because she hasn't complained one single time about being hungry.

She also finally stopped throwing up, or gagging, and we were all relieved because there simply wasn't anything left for her to throw up.

She spends most of her time now staring straight up in the light, trying to remember something it seems, or sleeping and always with a frown on her face.

Me and my brothers have tried talking to her, not about the most heavy subject immediately because the doctors thought she couldn't handle that yet, but about the most random things. It looks like sometimes she doesn't even acknowledges our existence because she gives no sign of listening to us or even being aware of us talking to her.

Today, when she finally talked, we all noticed how scared she sounded. Like she was scared about us getting mad at her or something. Something which we will never even consider being, especially at this moment.

I want to help her so bad, but I have no idea how. We all want to help her, but I know I'm the only one who really can help her because I know how it feels. I've been through it before.

All my brothers went outside to get some food. I stayed by her side because I haven't been able to eat anything the moment she landed in the hospital, and neither has she been able to eat a thing.

I just stare at my only sister laying in the big hospital bed. She looks so fragile and brittle laying there so defenseless.

I know I should atleast try to talk to her, but I also know it will be no use. She doesn't even listen to us at this point, and I think she doesn't even do it on purpose. She's just so deep in her thoughts that our voices get blurred out.

Now she's sleeping, and it seems that even then she can't get the rest she deserves as she always has a frown on her face.

I'm certain she isn't dreaming about peaceful things like fucking rainbows and unicorns or that shit, but about far less peaceful things. Neither of us know a lot about her past. The only thing we know is that she got kidnapped when she was 6 by the Russians, and after that it's a mystery to all of us. She never started talking about it in any way to us, and it even looks like she's avoiding the topic. We do know however that she went to school, and got average grades. She isn't the best at maths or physics but that's okay because we all aren't.

She even asked to go back to that hell hole voluntary. I'm sure if she hadn't asked she didn't need to, but she wanted to. She will have to adjust herself to the school she normally would go to next week, because it's good school. It's one of the only wealthy schools in the country, and you can clearly see that. All the kids from famous singers and politicians go there, and I don't know if she'll fit in. She has no idea about the mafia she got involved in the minute she was born, and she doesn't have a clue how to stand up against bullies.

Her old school was the opposite from this one. Her old school was a dilapidated ruin where all of the scumbag kids went to, because their daddy's and mommy's didn't want to put more money in them than was needed. Most of the kids there were useless pieces of shit, who wouldn't reach or achieve anything in life. I still don't know why Zina's foster parents enrolled her in that school, but it doesn't really matter as long as she was happy there and got good grades, it's all good.

I look out the window. The previous days it has been grey and dark. There was not a single ray of sunshine visible and it looked like the nature was grieving together with us for Zina. But now the sun is actually shining and the clouds are bright blue. It makes me have hope.

All of a sudden I see Zina out the corner of my eyes thrashing around in her bed. I immediately walk over to her but I have no idea what to do. But just as fast as it started, It stops again and she pries open her with tear covered eyes.

"Zina, are you okay?" I ask her afraid for her answer and if she'll even answer at all.

She stares at me with a confused expression on her face.

Then, in the most broken and hurt voice I've ever heard, she says quietly:

"Y-you hate me." She sobs after this sentence and my heart breaks into a million pieces.

I never meant to make it look this way, in fact, I was trying to prevent her from getting hurt. I was trying for her to not see that same sadness in my eyes as I did in hers.

"No, I don't. I could never hate you. You're my sister Zina." I say and my eyes suddenly have flooded over with salty tears. I pains me to think about how she thought this the whole time. This whole time she thought I didn't love her like a brother loves his sister, and she couldn't be more wrong.

I slowly extend my arms to hug her, careful not to hurt her, but It looks like she been waiting on this, because she immediately let's me take her in my arms.

I hear her sobs next to my ear, and I feel my t-shirt wetten with her tears. I hear her sniffles and feel the shuddering of her body everytime she breathes in.

I want to say something to her, but the words got lost along the way. I just want her to know that I love her, and I never want her to leave again.

But I think she feels this when my tears too, hit her shoulder.

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