𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬

51- late night talk

After the movie ends, and I am finally done sobbing over the fact Bambi's mother died, we all make our ways to our rooms.

It's currently 3am, and I am getting really tired, and know I should go to sleep, even though my sleep rhythm us already fucked up.

I walk into my room, but right as I enter, the door flies open once again.

Diego stands in the doorway, looking kind of unsure of asking me something.

"What is it?" I ask him raising my left brow.

"Um, I was– uh– wondering if you wanted to sleep in my bed tonight?" He asks hesitant looking at his hands nervously.

I chuckle. "Yeah of course Diego, let me just put on my pajamas." He nods and leaves me to change.

I pick out a fresh pyjama, which contains wide red pyjama bottoms, and a top with a basic cream colored pull over it.

I almost decide to just wear the top itself without the sweater, since I have nothing to hide now anymore, but I then think about the fact I can still just not wear the sweater if I get hot, so it's better if I just take it for certainty.

I skip over to the room at the end of the hallway, and knock on Diego's door.

After a second, he opens it, and I see he's wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a basic black tee.

I know for sure he normally sleeps without a shirt, but I assume he doesn't want to make me feel uncomfortable.

This gesture makes my heart warm.

"Hey Zina." He smiles one of his bright smiles, and I smile back with pleasure. I like it seeing him happy. I wish I could see him happy more often.

"Hey Diego!" I say as I enter his bedroom.

His bedroom is almost the same as mine, the only difference is the color of his walls. While mine are a beautiful navy blue, his are a boring plain black. But I guess it matches his vibe the best.

Once I'm done looking around, I crawl next to Diego in his big king bed.

His duvet is black too, and it's really airy and comfortable.

Diego wants to turn of the lights, but looks at me first to make sure I'm okay with the dark.

I nod at him, since that's one of the only things I'm not afraid of anymore. The dark. I used to be when I was younger, but after having been locked up in it, it became more like a friend to me, how sad it sounds, it's true.

I feel Diego crawl in his bed next to me, and he pulls my body a tad closer to his, not like our bodies are pressed against eachother, but so our bodies are radiating eachothers warmth.

It's comfortable like this, but I can't sleep because I know Diego wants to talk about what I told my brothers today.

It stays quiet between us, both not knowing what to say.

"Was he always like that?" Diego decides to break the silence, sounding hesitant.

"I honestly don't know. I don't really remember anything except from some faint memories from my youth. 10 years old is the last year I can remember. I assume he never really was a supportive dad to say the least. I can't really imagine him like that." I answer him with as much honesty I can gather.

"Do you think he deserves a second chance? I have to admit I don't." He asks me, sharing his own opinion too.

I think about this thoroughly, and eventually give him an answer.

"I would say that I believe everyone deserves a second chance." I think further. "But he had so much opportunities to change or act different than he did, that I think he just didn't see his own wrongdoings. And I believe, if he can't see what he was doing wrong, and doesn't atleast try to see what he's doing from my perspective, I don't think so, no." I shake my head at my answer.

I hear Diego hum behind me, and he answer in a softer voice.

"If you want my opinion? I don't think he deserves a second change. I think, anyone who ever hurts their kid, doesn't deserve one. And I think he did see what he was doing wrong, but just didn't care enough to do something about it. And that's another reason why he is unworthy of a second chance." He finishes and I think about what he said.

I do agree that anyone who hurts their child doesn't deserve a second change. But why would I, if he would ever apologize and promise me he'd be a good dad, probably forgive him? Does that make me too forgiving? It's debatable if he is a bad person. I know he wasn't good to me nor to Raina, but maybe he was the best man to anyone else he did like? Maybe I was the problem.

It's as if Diego has telepathy as a superpower, because he says:

"It's not your fault. None of this will ever be your fault. It's not your fault he was so bad against you, and it's not you who is the problem, it's him. I hope you realize that estrellita." He finishes and he gives my forehead a peck.

I smile and feel a little better about the whole situation.

But all the little bits matter the most.

"Where we close as kids?" I ask him after a moment of quietness.

"The closest. Everyone would always think you and I were the twins and not me and Lucas." He tells me and I giggle at the thought.

"I want to see pictures someday." I whisper to him.

"Wait give me a sec, I think I have one on my phone."

He scrolls on his phone, and after a few minutes, he holds his phone in front of me, a little girl and boy in it.

The little girl is sitting down on one of those plastic chairs, and the little boy, who is a lot less little than the girl, is hugging her. They're both smiling and looking directly into the camera with those identical grey eyes.

"This was the day when you had made a drawing for me with crayons. You drew a dinosaur– because I was obsessed with them back then– and a little boy– resembling me– next to it, stroking its back." I smile at the memory I sadly enough can't remember. "Our dad took the picture right as I gave you a hug because I liked it so much."

"I can imagine me being the best artist ever." I say proudly, even though I wouldn't know because It's a long time ago that I lastly drew something.

Diego snorts. "You weren't the worst I guess." He says with as much sarcasm in his voice he could muster.

I slap his arm lightly.

"Hey! Remember you were atleast so grateful to give me a hug, so it can't be that bad." I say a little bit hurt at the fact he thinks so bad of my talents.

"No, I was kidding, you were actually really good for your age." He answers me honestly, and I smile at him giving in.

"You better say that." I warn him, unable to suppress a yawn at the end of my sentence.

"Okay, it's time we go to sleep estrella." Diego acts all motherly all of a sudden.

I however, don't complain, and hum in acceptance.

"I love you Zina." Is the last thing Diego says before he closes his eyes.

"I love you Diego." I mumble sleepily, almost already dreaming off.

And this time, instead of having a nightmare about Texas, I have a dream, filled with things that might be memories but are possible just my  imagination.

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