𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬

81- heavenly

It's been 3 days. 3 days of sitting beside her bed, nothing to do but trying to distract ourselves by talking about stupid stuff, anything not related to Zina.

Sitting here, and not being able to do anything is so frustrating, I could pull out my own roots.

The doctor said she could now really wake up at any moment. Her body has gained enough strength to wake up, so she should be able to. But the doctor also said they couldn't predict in what state Zina would be after. We all knew it would be hard for her, maybe even almost unbearable.

She won't be able to walk directly after. She may need a lot of time to relearn everything she's known about walking, and we don't know if she'll be up for that.

We all can tell from experience that Zina is strong. If there's something that needs to be done, she will do everything in her power to make it happen. But we all, especially me, know she doesn't like being useless. And she will probably feel like that if she can't walk when waking up. It will be hard for her. And I know I'll try to be there for her when needed. I'll always be.

I can't get over the fact I wasn't there for her when she needed me most. She broke her promise, and ended up in the hospital as a result. And it's all because I left her. I don't even know what exactly happened, but I know it was anything but good.

Zina has the urge to isolate her from anyone trying to help her. She thinks she needs to handle it herself. She's been learned she needs to do it on her own. So everytime even the smallest thing is wrong, she goes quiet and won't let anyone inside her strong barrier she build around herself her whole life. If I wanted to know something about her, I couldn't do anything else than to pry or figure it out myself as she would never tell me about it without a fight.

Zina easily thinks she's overreacting, when she's not, but has every right to do so. And it hurts me to think my girl would ever think even a little bit bad about herself. So I will be there for her from now on to extrude and contradict any bad thought she could possibly have about herself. I will make it my life mission.

Today the mood in her hospital room is rather dull. The talking which was very much present the previous days has now been suppressed by the constant expiration we're all bearing against that stupid rest Zina needs. I know for a fact everyone in this room misses Zina, even if it's only been 3 days.

Lucas has fallen asleep in his chair, his head hanging backwards, little snores coming out of his nose.

Adrian is aggressively tapping on his phone and stealing a glance in Zina's direction once in a while.

I've felt Diego's gaze burn on my nape, and I've contemplated to turn around and snap at him for the past hour, but I know he won't be very pleased with that either.

Eleandro has been in and out Zina's room, and I've heard him talk when he was on the phone earlier, and I've picked up that Nikolai dissappeared like snow in the sun, which was expected, as he has connections everywhere and runs a mafia. There's no way he would stay even on the same country as the brothers of the girl he just kidnapped. He would be stupid to.