Feel like dying | Seungmin

-28-

Taeyeon
Heyy, how are youu??

Seungmin
alright, hru

Taeyeon
goodd, me too!!

So how is it going with this cold dude, Chungho if im right

Seungmin
just the same i guess

Taeyeon
nothing happened between you two

Seungmin looked at the chat. Here Chungho was a random someone to him. What could even happen between them?

Seungmin
like what??

Taeyeon
No clue actually sorry

Seungmin
don't apologize it's okay

He had been chatting with this guy for a while now. He began to find it quite nice to chat with Someone over the phone who he didn't know in real life.

Taeyeon
so school was easy today??

Seungmin
well probably but my thoughts were somewhere else so it seemed more difficult

Taeyeon
Something going on that you wanna tell me??

Could he... maybe tell him a little bit. Could he trust this person and say something to him or... What was even good about telling someone about HIS problem.

Seungmin
what even are the benefits of telling someone

Taeyeon
it could clear your mind a bit more! It really helps talking to someone but if you need more time you dont have to tell me of course only if you feel like its a mess up there.

Seungmin
yeah, i just dont know where to begin and what and what not to tell you...

Taeyeon
it doesn't have to be perfectly said just say what you want to say and what is on your mind

Seungmin thought. He knew what was on his mind but he didn't know how to say it and if he should even say it.

Seungmin
well i dont know what to do anymore, and i feel like i have absolutely no control over my life and my body. It feels like i get thrown around and there is nothing to hold on to. and trusting someone is so hard he had made that far worse and now at this point i dont even trust my sister or friends anymore i want them to stay away from me as much as possible but i also want them close to me.

Seungmin wrote it without looking back at what he had written. It would make him feel cringe and the lump in his throat made him feel like crying even thinking about it. it took a while for the other to answer.

Taeyeon
can i ask questions?

Seungmin
you can

Taeyeon
with -he- you mean?

Seungmin
Chungho

Taeyeon
How might I ask? like you said he talked very little to you

Yes, that didn't make sense. Should he just tell him? Or was he going to give Taeyeon too much trust if he told him?

Seungmin
I've lied about that actually...

We know each other for a pretty long time now

and...

What even was he going to say now, either the truth or another stupid lie. Lying like he always did? He shall tell the truth now, Taeyeon can know.

Seungmin
and he does some very disgusting stuff and now he made it easier by telling our friends that he is my boyfriend. I hate it but i cant lie again and again i lie so much

Tears in his eyes. Luckily he had gone to his room so neither his sister nor mom could see him crying. It had been quiet for a while now, then he got a chat from the other again.

Taeyeon
Disgusting stuff like?

Seungmin
Touching, everywhere whatever time or place we are at

He had shut down his phone after he wrote that. Had he just told someone? Taeyeon said that it would feel better but it made him feel worse. Now HIS problem became their problem, how was he so selfish to not notice that before?