destined angel (on hold)

65

hail and farewell -2

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I follow then with my eyes but my body stays firmly in place, understanding that Magnus is just having a difficult time and pressuring him to talk to me will only make it worse. Instead I turn to face Raphael as Clary turns to talk to Luke. "Shouldn't you be waking up every vamp in the city to start hunting?" 

"I texted Elouise to start spreading the word. we'll search every tunnel, sewer and garden tunnel that we can, till the sun sets that the best we could do. I'd be more than happy to join them but Magnus was sort of my ride." 

"Yeah, he's going through a lot lately." 

"We all have." I just smile sadly. 

"I can't wait for this to all be over. I used to just be a home schooled seventeen year old who went to the gym and got her nails done. everything used to be simple." 

"And now?" He pauses and just stares me in the eyes. "Do you wish you could go back to before that day?" 

"No." I close my eyes and bite both my lips before tipping my head back and looking up. "As crazy as it sounds, I'm glad for everything that has happened. I'm glad Clary ran into Jace and then decided to be an idiot and follow him. I'm glad Valentine found out about us and took my mum. glad you kidnapped Simon, that we lost Clary's memories, that Luke almost died, that clary and I drifted apart, that Simon got turned, that I got kidnapped. I'm glad that we are on the brink of war. Because that's how things will go, wont it?" I feel tears racing down my cheeks as I speak.

"If the downworld stays the course." 

"I can't be mad or upset about any of that though." I continued shortly after. "Because it meant I met Jace and Alec; that I found out that I am actually closer to twenty not seventeen; that I met you; I met Magnus; I found out who I was; I found out about my past; I've learnt to control my gifts; I'm helping to change the down-world. I've grown up." I just stop, needing a moment to think of what to say. I can tell the others are watching and listening, holding themselves back from coming over. 

"Because I had to grow up. The naive little girl who spaced out and just drew would never have been able to handle this world. She would have fallen apart, she wouldn't have coped. that version of me never would have been able to help anyone. And I wouldn't change any of it, as selfish as that makes me. There is not a single thing that has happened this year that I would change because being on the brink of war might be the only way to convince the Clave to get their act together." 

I smile a watery smile before rushing off to my room, locking the door behind me and then I just drop to my knees and I cry. I cry for the bad things that have happened. I cry for my mum who fought so hard to protect us only to die that way. I cry for my brother who was tortured and experimented on. I cry for the people who have passed. I cry for the downworlder's terrified for their lives. I cry from the stress and the fear. And I cry for the little girl whose life went from a peaceful meadow of happiness to the chaotic life of demons and war in the blink of an eye. 

I just cry.

And cry.

And cry.

Until I have no tears left. Then, I just stop. 

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When I wake up I realize most of the day has passed. I check my phone and find several missed calls from most of the people I know and some messages, skimming through them allows me to know that the warlocks have set up an anti Nephilim barrier around the city that will kill anyone with Nephilim blood and that Clary found a way to track Jonathan and where they were going to try and find him. 

I freeze for a split second realizing I have lost a full day before rushing out of my room and the institute and heading straight to the graveyard that was left in their messages. 

I find the area abandoned and devoid of any life, even for a graveyard. I decide to head into the first building I come across and find dead Forsaken littering the floor. I summon my dual ended spear and continue on, only to meet a hoard of forsaken awaiting me. I take a deep breath and tighten my grip on my spear before rushing forwards cutting through everything that stands in my way. 

In that moment I don't think about how these used to be humans just like me, now they are just puppets for men that seek to destroy the world I have vowed to protect. I don't stop until they are all just pieces on the floor and I am covered in blood. It feels different taking the life of a demon to that of a forsaken and it feels even more different using my own hands when compared with my powers. 

today has been a dark day for many and I feel it is yet to reach its darkest. 

I continue on through the building, killing anything that I come across until I reach the bridge. I arrive just in time to watch Izzy release her whip sending Jonathan straight into Jace's blade. I drop to my knees and watch and Jace pulls out the blade and Jonathan turns around only to choke Jace. 

I watch unable to move as they get closer to the edge before Jace manages to kick him off and Jonathan falls into the river below. "Hail and farewell, brother." I say to myself as I look down. 

"Lina?" I hear Clary call out in shock before they are all rushing towards me. "What's wrong, what happened?" 

"I allowed myself to crumble, I started to open up and I just fell apart." I pause as I feel Clary's arms wrap around me. "I haven't been able to fall apart Ris. I can't fall apart not while we are on the brink of war. not when he's still out there." 

"I know. I know." I Just bury myself further into her chest, needing my sister over my mates right now. "We were thrown into this world too quickly that we didn't get a chance to do anything except push forward's." She pulls back so that she can look at me. "You're right, you can't break down, but you can share the burden." I just nod and stand up leaning into Alec's arms, knowing Jace is injured. 

Clary just smiles at me like she used to. Like she's the big sister and I'm the little kid and I think in that moment despite the fact that I am older and covered in blood. I just needed to know that I could still be that same little kid. 

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Wanted Adelina to seem more human as I realized that I had written her like nothing fazed her which just isn't true. I can't tell if I like or hate it so please tell me what you think.