OH! DARLING | joey tribbiani

eighteen

"This is unbelievable Pheebs!" Joey exclaimed in disbelief. "How can you be married?"

The gang was at Monica and Rachel's apartment after the latter stumbled on Phoebe's secret husband.

"Well, I mean, I'm not married married, you know? He was just a friend and he's gay! And he's from Canada and he just needed a green card," the blonde explained.

"Oh," Joey exhaled, now more comprehensive. "I offered to do the same thing for Quinn if she needs it," he said, nudging the redhead who sat next to him at the table with his elbow.

Colin glanced up from where he was reading the newspaper, his eyes moving between Joey and Quinn in confusion.

"That was before she met you of course," Joey was quick to specify to the man who nodded his head in understanding.

Meanwhile, the others were still focused on Phoebe's husband. "I can't believe you married Duncan!" Monica cried. "I mean, how could you not tell me? We-we lived together, we told each other everything."

"I'm sorry Monica, but I knew if I told you you'd get really, like, judgmental and you would not approve," Phoebe defended herself.

"Of course I wouldn't approve!" Monica confirmed. "I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?"

"See, and you thought she'd be judgmental," Ross commented.

"Okay, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend," Phoebe argued.

"Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month!" the brunette countered.

"There's nothing wrong with wearing pyjamas for a month," Quinn pointed out.

"And I saw you eat a cheeseburger," Monica added, making everybody gasp in surprise. Phoebe glared at her friend, not saying anything. "Well, didn't you?" Monica pressed.

"I might have," Phoebe admitted.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Monica whined.

"Oh come on, like you tell me everything?" The blonde argued.

"Now, what have I not told you?"

"Oh, I don't know. Um... How about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace?" Phoebe accused, having walked over to the window while she talked to point out at the said underwear.

"What?" Rachel and Quinn yelled at the same time, both rushing to the window with Joey and Ross on their trail. Colin remained seated at the table, enjoying the unraveling of the situation from an outsider point of view.

"Wait a minute, who told you?" Monica questioned her friend, only to turn her gaze to Chandler who started looking uncomfortable at the release of the information. "You are dead meat," the brunette told him.

"I didn't know it was a big secret," Chandler defended himself, squeezing the finger the girl was pointing at him to try to defuse her anger.

"Oh it's not big, not at all," Monica waved him off. "You know, kind of on the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple!"

The group at the window, par for Quinn, gasped once again, running back to surround Chandler.

"You have a third nipple?" Phoebe asked him.

"You bitch," Chandler told Monica.

Ross started jumping on the couch behind his best friend, chanting "Whip it out! Whip it out!", the other friends agreeing with him.