OH! DARLING | joey tribbiani

thirteen

"How could someone get ahold of your credit card number?" Joey asked Monica.

The gang plus Colin (and Marcel) were all gathered at Monica and Rachel's, going over the former's credit card statements after finding out it was stolen.

"I have no idea," Monica answered, "but look how much they spent!"

"Monica, would you calm down?" Rachel told her roommate as she brought a bowl of popcorn to the living room. "The credit card people said you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought."

"Still, it's just such reckless spending," the brunette complained.

"I think when somebody steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind," Ross remarked.

"Wow, what a geek," Chandler remarked as he read the statements on the paper he had in hand. "They spent 69.95 on a Wonder Mop."

"That's me," Monica told him, making Quinn snicker because it was obvious her friend would buy something like that.

"Oh, oh, the yuck," Phoebe pointed to a lamp shaking next to the big window. "Ross, he's doing it again."

The gang all groaned in disgust.

"Marcel, stop humping the lamp," Ross ordered his monkey. "Stop humping. Now Marcel, come-come here..."

The monkey ran when Ross approached him, bolting to Rachel's room.

"Oh, no, no! Not in my room." Rachel protested, standing up. "I'll get him."

"Ross, you've got to do something about the humping," Monica told her brother.

"What? It's-it's just a phase," Ross defended his pet.

"Well, that's what we said about Joey," Chandler joked, earning a glare from his roommate.

"Hey, would you all relax? It's not that big a deal," Ross tried to reason with his friends.

"Not that big a deal?" Quinn repeated. "Ross, animals have needs just like humans do. That's not just a phase, have you ever heard of mating season?"

Before Ross could argue back, Rachel reprimanding the monkey could be heard from her bedroom.

"What?" Ross asked the waitress, exasperated.

The dark blonde appeared at the threshold of her room. "Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious."

__________

Quinn, Joey and Chandler sat on the couch in Central Perk, trying to come up with a new artist name for the actor.

"How about Joey Pepponi?" Chandler suggested.

Joey winced. "No, still too ethnic."

"And very similar to Joey Pepperoni," Quinn joked.

"My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral," Joey explained.

"Joey Switzerland?" Chandler proposed, making Quinn chuckle.

"Ha ha," Joey fake laughed.

A waitress brought them their orders then.

"Plus, you know, I think it should be Joe. You know, Joey makes me sound like I'm... I don't know, this big," he demonstrated two inches with his thumb and index and saw the pretty waitress who definitely heard him. "Which I'm not!" Joey was quick to specify.

"But I like Joey," Quinn pouted. "Don't have a lot of Joey's where I come from, got a lot of Joe's though."

"Well you can still call me Joey," the man reassured the redhead, rubbing her knee. "I just want my artist name to be more professional."