Burden

*-chapter sixteen-*

In the past week or so, the heaviness of avoiding Mum has taken its toll on me. The guilt nags at my conscience, but the mere thought of facing John's toxicity makes it nearly unbearable. Each day, I wake up with the intention of visiting Mum, yet the fear and anxiety grip me, chaining me to a sense of helplessness. Instead, I've sought refuge in my work, immersing myself in the mundane routines of the diner. The clattering of dishes and the buzz of conversation at the cafe provide a temporary escape from the turmoil that lurks within my family. Each day I procrastinate, trying to summon the courage to face Mum and the unwelcome presence of John, but it seems my resolve falters, and I find solace in the familiarity of the diner.

As I linger in the secluded corner of the cubbies, I can't shake off the persistent feeling of unease. The clock relentlessly counts down the minutes until my shift begins, and while it's not my style to stand idle, something within me hesitates. It's been a good ten minutes since I arrived, a departure from my usual routine of warmly greeting my coworkers and soaking in the lively atmosphere of the workplace.

This subtle shift in behavior is a reflection of the lingering doubts that have crept into my mind over the past week. Each interaction, no matter how trivial, has become a potential source of worry. Am I unintentionally annoying my colleagues? Are they growing tired of my presence? These questions play on a loop in my mind, casting shadows of self-doubt and creating a sense of foreboding.

The knot in my stomach tightens as I consider the possibility of becoming an inconvenience to those around me. What if I'm disrupting the harmonious flow of the workplace? These concerns, though irrational, have become a constant companion, overshadowing the once vibrant and engaging environment. Today, as I stand in the quiet recesses of the cubbies, I find myself grappling with the weight of these anxious thoughts, unsure of how to break free from their grip. 

Stepping out, I putting on my apron, and Jake, in the midst of cleaning the bench, waves at me. "Hey, Mae Mae, you just got in. You've been coming in later than usual this week," he remarks, a genuine look of concern etched on his face. The voices in my head seem to amplify, drowning out the ordinary greetings and creating a discordant melody of self-doubt.

"I'm not late, so give it a rest," I retort, not waiting for him to respond before making my way to the front shop where Alexis is diligently cleaning the counter. It's a tedious task we must complete before opening the shop, a routine left for whoever closes the night before.

Alexis glances up as I approach, a small smile playing on her lips. "Morning, Maeve. You're just in time for the final touches. How's everything going?"

I force a smile, attempting to mask the internal turmoil. "Everything's fine" even with the the smile its still seems i was snapping, i'm not sure where it came form i guess the usual stuff is taking a toll,  The usual, indeed, any i put on a carefully constructed facade to conceal the storm of emotions brewing within. The friendly banter and casual exchanges at work become a challenging act, a performance I put on to shield my colleagues from the chaotic reality that plagues my personal life.

Grabbing the "Open" sign, I flip it open and unlock the door. Turning around, I head up to Alexis, who's busy cleaning the counter. "Hey, Alexis, do you mind if I take the till today? I'm just not feeling up to dealing with the floor. I promise I'll make it up on the next shift," I request, trying to keep my tone casual.

Alexis looks up, concern etched on her face. "Hey, Maeve, everything okay? You seem a bit off today."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I reply quickly, offering a reassuring smile. "Just had a rough morning. But I'm here, ready to work. Don't worry about it."

She hesitates, still eyeing me with concern, but eventually nods. "Alright, if you say so. Let me know if you need anything, though." I nod in appreciation, trying to push away the internal turmoil and focus on the task at hand.