Mafia and Detective lovers? (soukoku fanfic)

Pain and Love part 2

TW: Self harm

"Odasaku did you deliver the message?" Fyodor said.

"Yes i did what you asked me too" Oda said standing Infront off the 3.

"Excellent. You were right Dazai he is a good subordinate." Fyodor said.

"A suicidal man like me never lies" Dazai said.

"Good, because if you did. You know the consequences" Fyodor said with narrowed eyes.

"Don't get your panties in a twist Fyodor. You can trust me after all. You can do this without me" Dazai said walking out off the room with oda following.

Oda and Dazai walked in silence till they reached out side to the car Oda started talking.

"You're really going thru this. Huh Dazai" Oda said.

"Your point?"

"Dazai what about chuuya you admitted to me a few months ago that you were in love with me and you also mentioned you do anything for him even quit the Mafia-" Oda said but stopped as soon as Dazai pulled out his gun.

"I have no idea what you are talking about Odasaku. What me and whats his face had was just sex nothing more. Anymore words out off that mouth ill shoot you" Dazai said and lowing his gun and putting it away.

~time skip~

2am in the morning Dazai was in his apartment on the bathroom floor. He was laying his back against the wall with his bandages on the floor and his arms and thighs revealed, he had a knife in his hands ready.

*I really fucked up, things were not supposed to go this way. Everything I feel is nothing but numbness. Every color in the world has gone grey. Nothing is happiness. But then he cane into my life. Why does it hurt when i cant hold him? Why does it hurt so much i can't even breath. He probably found out im in on this rats plan. He probably hates me. I hate me too. I guess we both have something in common. Fuck this life. To end it all would be so much better. But having him in my arms. Is even better then suicide. He makes the colors, colors again. Makes me feel things i thought i could never feel. But why did he have to meet me in this universe. I wish we met in a difference universe, where i was better, but no. I wonder in another universe. Did we ever meet. And everything was fine. We were allowed to fall inlove. I wonder. I can feel my head hurting. I can feel the blade on my skin wanting to open it. To stab it even. What im about to do is something I don't think he can ever forgive me. But I have to. The plan. I must stay focus in the plan. But i wish that night never ended. Where i had him in my arms. I love...

Dazais thoughs were becoming louder and louder. The voices in his head won't stop. He brought the knife to his thighs and cut them he then brought it up to his arms and cut them. He wasn't fineshed, he couldn't feel the pain, blood was dripping on the floor and he couldn't feel anything. He did it again. Again. And again. He wanted to feel something. Something that wasn't this numbness, something to distract the misery. But nothing. He soon stopped and got up from the floor and went straight to bed not caring about blood that was still dripping. He just went to bed.
As much he was hearting. He couldn't let a single tear to cry. Nothing just nothing.

He slept for half an hour and woke up. He got out off bed and saw his cuts and dried up blood on his skin. He walked to the bathroom to wash the dried blood off and placed new bandages. He looked terrible. He looked like a man was about to cry. But he couldn't no matter how many emotions he has inside. He can't let out.
After placing new bandages he went back to bed.

But he couldn't sleep so instead he opened up his phone and scrolled thru his camera roll off all the pictures he and the ginger made together. He smiled at them and his eyes became heavy and he soon fell asleep with his phone in his hands with a picture off Chuuya sleeping on dazai. He took that in secret when they spent a night together. It was his favorite photo.