At 17 years old Sage Aurora never thought she would be stuck trying to rebuild her life and mending her heart.
Throughout her younger years she thought nothing could stop her. She was popular, free-spirited, and felt on top of the world. At least t...
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The movie playing on Eddie's small TV was not enough stimulation to keep your mind off of the fact that you were pissed off. It was one thing to want to make out with him, then freak out and tell him to stop touching you, but the fact that your mind was still wanting his hands on you right now was just down right sick. Your own self was playing a sick fucking game with you and you didn't know why. Why couldn't you just feel repulsed by him and ask to go home? You knew that wouldn't make you feel any better in the end but at least it would make sense. Because what you were feeling now didn't make any damn sense.
Eddie's hand gently brushed circles on your arm as you laid in between his legs on the couch. After your freak out earlier, you two decided to watch a movie. For you it was to hold onto any form of normalcy that you could. You figured maybe it would be a good distraction to get your mind off of the fact that you're a mess. But here you were, acting like a horny Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thinking of jumping his bones again but nervous he wouldn't want to touch you. If he rejected you then you would just have to curl up and die right then and there. It also didn't help that his hands were still sending goosebumps down your arm. Surely he felt those, but if he did then he wasn't letting onto it in the slightest.
You decided the movements and people on the TV screen were not enough to distract you from your conflicting emotions about what the hell was going on with you. You know what you wanted, but you were scared, or at least your body must have been since it always forced you to stop after a certain point. That's the worst part about all of this. You know why you were scared, but wanting it to go away wasn't enough to make it. You told yourself that you had to get over it and in order to do that you had to destroy the wall blocking you from moving forward.
As you continued to think, you started to feel more and more in control of the situation. It was becoming clearer. You were going to find a sense of empowerment and not let it control you. Sure you were scared of the memories that might resurface, the pain that might come flooding back. You assumed that's why you felt the way you did. Chance tainted your mind, body and future. He took something from you that you would never get back and he haunted you every single day, even if you didn't show it. He was always finding his way back inside. His hands were Eddie's hands and his weight was Eddie's weight. He was always there. But you were also tired of living in fear, and tired of being a goddamn victim when all you wanted was to be able to do things and not lose control or feel like you're suffocating in your own skin. That's all you wanted, to not feel like your entire world was caving in when a fucking boy you liked touched you.
Fuck that. That is why you were so pissed off. It's because you liked him and you wanted him, and it made no goddamn sense why your body would be telling itself that Chance's dirty hands were pressed against your flesh when Eddie's eyes were the ones you were staring at. All you needed to do was try to stay in the present moment and tell yourself to chill the hell out. That's all. You just needed to remind yourself of where you were and who you were with. It would be fine. Whether this was an erratic decision or not you'd be fine. You were taking back what was yours.
