Finding Love

Chapter 33

Alora's POV

Lying in my bed, I stare up at the ceiling, hating how my eyes continue to water.

I'm sick of crying.

It's so stupid.

I'm done crying.

But all I can think about is how badly I fucked up. Seeing Lynn yesterday made me realise how much I wanted to be with her.

I never thought I'd be into girls. So every time Lynn made my heart flutter or made me blush- I brushed it off. Whenever I felt drawn to kissing her, I pretended it never happened.

Why?

I don't understand why.

This past week I've accepted it. I have deep, stupid little feelings for Lynn.

But clearly, I've realised too late.

And I don't know how to fix it.

I don't know where to start.

I don't know how to stop fucking up.

I'm not sure when everything became so goddamn messy.

I hear a quiet knock on my door, and a few seconds later it opens. Dad pops his head in and shoots me a small smile. "Hey..you feeling okay?".

I hum, flashing him a weak smile. "I'm fine".

He nods slowly while his smile slowly fades. "I was just checking. Becca's still not home..you two usually stick together".

My guess is she went to AJs. Whether to kill him or make up- I have no clue. I feel guilty that I don't even care. I just... can't stop thinking about Lynn.

I chuckle a bit and nod, just as I feel a tear escape from the corner of my eye and run down my temple. I quickly wipe it away.

"You sure you're alright Alora?" Dad asks just as he closes my bedroom door. He walks over then and sits on the edge of my bed.

I roll onto my side to face him, and he reaches a hand around me and begins to gently rub my back, just like he used to do when we were younger.

He watches me closely, clearly knowing something is up. Dad always knows. He has a sixth sense for this type of thing.

I let out a sigh, not knowing what to say.  "Just...everything has gotten so complicated and messy so fast and-...I don't know when I became the bad guy" I mumble to him.

Truly, I don't.

One minute everything was fine.

The next Lynn was angry at me, and I was getting hit with the hard truth that I was in the wrong.

I didn't tell her about Joshua.

The opportunity to tell her came up multiple times- I didn't say anything though. Then when he was standing right in front of her, I told her she was a friend.

I didn't understand why I did it at the time. My subconscious just told me to.

It took me time to realise I lied because I knew what I did was wrong. I flirted with her despite the fact I was in a relationship. I liked when she teased me but then I claimed to be straight after she kissed me.

A kiss I can't stop thinking about.

A kiss I wanted just as much as she did.

"You're not a bad guy Alora" Dad tells me, looking genuinely confused. "You would never intentionally hurt someone you care about".

"But I did" I blurt. "Unintentionally".

Dad frowns, his eyebrows furrowed. "I don't understand".

I let out a huff. "I... it's not really something you talk to your dad about" I mumble, since it isn't. I'm practically an adult- I doubt he wants to hear about my relationship drama.

"Bullshit. You can tell me anything" He says in response. I smile a bit at that, while he reaches a hand and wipes away some tears I didn't know escaped.

"I'm the oldest of eight kids Alora. I can promise you that I've heard it all" He tells me gently, and I chuckle slightly despite the fact I feel more tears falling.

"I um...you know how I'm dating Joshua right?" I mumble, and he lets out a sigh to remind me he isn't happy about it. "Yes".

"I- well he's been away since before summer and- well there's this person I've been talking to. I- we...we kind of flirted a bit and I didn't realise I liked them until it was too late- they found out about Joshua and got really mad. They said I led them on and I realised they're right and I'm a shit person- I don't even fucking like Joshua!-..." I blurt it all out, unable to stop myself.

Dad doesn't even bat an eye.

He hums, his hand still rubbing soothing circles into my back. "Lynn?" Is all he asks.

I go still, my attention shooting to him. "How...how did you?-".

"Because I have eyes" Dad chuckles. "I see the look on your face when you talk about her Alora".

"And you..you don't care?" I sputter out, which only makes him laugh. "Alora- of course, I don't care. I'll support you no matter what. You know that".

"But...but I can't be gay" I blurt, which causes his smile to fade almost immediately. "Explain to me why you think you can't be sweetheart?".

"It'll be harder for me to have kids" I blurt out, feeling my face go warm as I speak. Dad looks bewildered. "How is that relevant?".

"A heir. And if I'm dating women it will be left to Becca-...". Dad doesn't even have to speak. I see the look on his face and know to shut up.

He's pissed.

And dad is rarely pissed.

"You do not worry about that. Fuck- don't even think about it. If in the future you or your sister decide to have kids, you do it for you. You do it because you want to- not because you feel obliged to" Dad snaps, which is as close as he'll ever come to yelling at us.

I sniffle slightly, nodding my head. His anger then vanishes, his eyes softening as he looks at me before he takes a deep breath.

"You're my daughter- my seventeen-year-old daughter. All you have to worry about is being happy. All I want is for you to be happy" He whispers to me, and I screw my eyes shut tight as I nod.

"I'm sorry- I don't know where that even came from" I mumble. Of course, I have thought about it before but I never meant to share that worry with my dad of all people.

Dad wipes away more tears that have fallen before I feel a kiss on my head. "Whatever you have done can be fixed," He tells me simply.

"But it can't be fixed from lying in bed" He points out. "So get up, get dressed, go dump that piece of shit boyfriend you've got, and make things right," Dad tells me, making it all sound so simple I almost believe him.

"You do what makes you happy Alora. Even if that means hurting Joshua in the process. Although I can't say I care much". I can't help but laugh, opening my eyes just to see him staring at me.

"And know that I'm here if you need me. So is your sister. And so is your aunties if you feel more comfortable talking to them" He shoots me a small smile.

I sit up slowly, before wrapping my arms around him and hugging him. "I've got my dad for that" I mumble, causing him to laugh.

We stay like that for a few minutes. He gives me time to pull myself together.

And then a plan is forming in my head.