Fan Service [Chan]

Chapter 92

The guys spent the better part of the evening celebrating. They cheered triumphantly and took pictures and made new social media profiles that JYP wouldn't have access to. Han and Lee Know posted their first-ever couple photo. Felix went live for a bit, sharing the excitement with STAY. Everyone was so happy, and I felt so grateful to be a part of it.

When the initial enthusiasm died down and everyone hit their wall of being tired from all of the partying, they dispersed to their own subgroups leaving Chan and me alone in our room. Even Seungmin headed off to get Mana from the airport, refusing to let me come with him since she'd apparently requested that he pick her up in a very specific jacket with very little else on. I didn't need further details.

"How do you feel?" I asked Chan now that it was just the two of us. I was sitting on the desk while he stood between my legs, his hands resting on my thighs.

"I feel so free," he grinned. "And now I just want to put on an amazing final show, surprise my fiancé, and plan our wedding."

He looked so genuinely happy. His eyes were twinkling as he leaned forward to kiss me. I was excited for him, too. I was excited for all of them. They'd waited so long for this moment, and so was doing my best not to let Holden's incident, or the JYP attack, or my still coming to terms with everything dampen Chan's mood.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him longingly. Chan moaned immediately as though it had been such a long time since his lips held mine.

"I'm so lucky to have you," he muttered sweetly. He kissed my cheeks and near my ear and on my neck. I winced, and he seemed to have forgotten that I was hurt because, when he pulled away, his face held an immense amount of guilt. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

I nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, but he saw right through it. Facing my sexual assailant and then almost dying twice in the span of 24 hours was going to take more than a few hours to get over...even if those few hours were accompanied by the capture of JYP.

Chan fingered the hem of my shirt, asking permission. "You can take it off," I permitted.

He lifted it so that he could see the bruises the turtleneck had kept hidden. He examined my neck carefully before placing the gentlest of kisses on my throat.

"I've been so selfish today. Here I am having a party, and you were probably wanting to be alone."

"No, Chan. I wanted to be here celebrating with everyone. You all have been through so much, and you deserve to be excited that it's over." To further exaggerate my point, I shouted, "It's over!" I raised my hands in the air.

Chan gave me a dimply smile. "Now that we've celebrated, be honest, baby. How are you?"

I took a deep breath. "I'll be better soon." I kissed him sweetly, but he pulled away.

"Are you distracting me with kisses, so I stop asking questions?" he narrowed his eyes at me.

"No," I replied innocently before bringing my hands to cup his jaw while I kissed him some more.

"Tell me the truth, and I'll give you all the kisses you want," he bargained.

"Fine," I pouted and stalled as I ran my fingers through his newly dark hair. "I feel... overwhelmed."

He gave me a single kiss.

"That's all I get?" I laughed.

"It wasn't much information," he smirked.

I took another deep breath. "I guess...I'm just so overwhelmingly happy for you and the guys. I want you to know I truly mean that. But I'm also overwhelmingly stressed that I had to do what I had to do yesterday by sharing my story with a bunch of strangers. I'm still shocked by what happened at the courthouse with Holden. And...truthfully, it still hasn't hit me that I was attacked again today," I explained. "And I'm scared that even though JYP and Holden are in custody, someone else will come after us."

Chan sighed as if the weight of my words was impacting him before closing in and giving me a slow and long kiss for my lengthier answer. I relished in it and pulled him into my waist. He didn't feel close enough, though. I pulled his shirt out from where it was tucked in and tore it over his head, breaking away from our kiss to do so.

Chan pulled back to look at me more clearly. I focused on my hand resting over his heart. "I think everything you're feeling is incredibly valid, Ella. Even I'm a little scared that there's still someone out there who could hurt us."

"Really?" I asked in surprise. Chan seemed so confident and calm right now. I found it hard to believe he was struggling, too.

"Of course. But I think it's just because we've spent so much time running that we don't know how to stop. I think this feeling will fade with time...until eventually, we won't even remember how scared we were."

He kneaded his hands where they sat on my thighs and leaned forward to kiss me again. This time he didn't pull away. His hands wrapped around my back and held me tightly to him. I could feel each of his fingers and where they sat on my skin. I could feel the insides of his elbows against my waist. The outsides of his thighs scraped against the insides of mine. I was feeling too much.

I was crying already before he realized what was happening. All of the incredibly positive and horrifically negative things were meshing too much in my brain, making me confused. I didn't want to be unclothed anymore. It was stressing me out even more, and I covered my bra with my hands while Chan quickly grabbed me a shirt to put on.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled as I re-dressed. I wanted to celebrate and be happy. I wanted to move past everything and live my life. I was trying so hard, but the events of yesterday and today were so fresh...the wounds hadn't healed yet.

"Come here," he tapped, and I wrapped my legs around his torso so that he could carry me to the bed. Feeling his bare chest was also making me anxious now, though.

When he sat us down, I reached for his suitcase at the foot of the bed and found his ripped-up T-shirt. I grabbed it and handed it to him.

"Me too?" he asked. I nodded in embarrassment of myself for having to make him, but he put the shirt on. "Better?"

"Yes," I answered quietly. I inhaled deeply before I spoke to try to explain what was going on in my brain. "I'm feeling too much, both good and bad right now. My neck hurts, and I feel scared. But I also feel happy for you...so happy, baby. But I need to let myself process it all before we do anything physical." I looked down, feeling horrible that I couldn't just overcome the feelings and be with him in the way he deserved. "I'm sorry."

To his credit, Chan pretended like he understood what I meant. "You don't have to apologize for setting a boundary, Ella. You know that."

I was so grateful that he never questioned how I felt. I leaned forward and gave him a single gentle kiss on his cheek. "I'm so happy that you're free, baby. You deserve it more than anyone."

Chan smiled boyishly while he held me in his lap. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly since that was most comfortable for me right now. He embraced me with warm arms, and we fell back onto the bed.

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COMMERCIAL BREAK:
Kinda crazy how JYP was caught the same week as the album release...it's almost like I planned it

(but I didn't. I didn't know when it would come out when this was scheduled)

(and also maybe he'll escape again...who knows)

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