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Playing with my bangles nervously I wait for Amma to come get me as I wait alone in my room, as a family we decided not to do too much for the Nikkah day because of all the money we spent on the other ceremonies. I actually appreciated how simple, everything was today, it was less stressful, less yelling, and less chaos.
Sighing I get up off my chair and walk over to my window and sit down near the sill. I lean against the cool glass and look around my room. This is where I grew up, spent so much time here. . and now suddenly, everything that I am comfortable with is being snatched away from me, because of a stupid promise. I know that one day or another I had to get married, but when that day would have come, I would have been ready to leave these memories and be ready to create new ones, with the person I loved. Breathing in sharply, I look down at my hand, and brush my finger over the deep color R, staring back at me. Instead, I am being forced into another person's life, who has everything already laid out for him, someone who has already found someone for themselves, and loves them.
Everything felt so wrong. Yeah, I sat through all the functions, because. . .we had a plan and two for the happiness of my Amma and Baba, they did a lot for Roza and me unasked and asked. The guilt of continuously cheating them as soon as I landed in New York, had been eating away at me as soon as Baba and I talked to one another. I felt as if I couldn't look them in the eye and talk to them anymore because I was hiding. something so big from them, but what could I do when they weren't willing to listen to me if they just listened. . .Rehan and I wouldn't have to take such a drastic step, to lie about something so big.
My phone's ring tone snapped me out of my thoughts, quickly answering as soon as I saw Rehan's name I said, "Hello?"
"Are you nervous?" He asked right away, I could tell by his tone, that he seemed more nervous than I was.
"Yeah, are you?" I questioned back,
"I haven't been able to sleep all night," He answered, "My brain just won't turn off."
"Me either," I say quietly, we fell into a comfortable silence until I spoke up again, "Rehan?"
"Mhm?" He hummed,
My heart began to beat faster, I didnt know if I should ask him this or not, but it had been eating away at me all this week. "Are we doing the right thing?"
Rehan inhaled sharply, "I do not know," He answered honestly, "But what I do know is that we are doing this to get the freedom to live our lives the way we wanted to in the first place. We are just playing the same game, they have been playing all our lives, but making it beneficial now instead of damaging." His words didnt comfort me at all, I wanted him to say that we were doing the right thing, but instead, he made me doubt our decision even more.
