Faults, Scars, and Guitar Strings

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

David was convinced the first step to my recovery was going to be him knowing all my secrets and hiding places so that's what we did that same day. I didn't tell him I already relapsed and I wasn't going to. He doesn't need to know. Just like he doesn't need to know that I still plan on going through with my plan. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. I carried my laptop around just in case I thought of something for my paper, as David instructed. He wanted to start my new recovery with my car. He was also convinced to carry around a camera to "secretly" videotape every step of my recovery. Truthfully, I forgot it was there most of the time. It was a very small camera he easily kept hidden in his hat. I probably do not want to know what he plans on doing with the footage.

"Where is it?" he asked unlocking my doors.

"Trunk," I said.

He popped open my trunk and I followed him to it and he opened it, gasping. The food was piled and rotting away. "Don't you throw it away?" he asked completely disgusted. He was trying to hide it, but I wasn't stupid.

"Every week or so...yes," I said, "I would have thrown it out already, but this recovery thing interrupted that."

"I'll go get a garbage bag," he said running into the house.

I stood there staring at the piles of food while he was inside. I did usually throw it away by now. I'll usually pile it in there and the first second I can smell something I throw it all out in the school's dumpster while the parking lot is empty. I looked towards my computer and pointed the webcam towards the trunk before snapping a couple pictures of it. I wasn't going to be the only one to suffer with this. If my classmates and teachers were going to believe me at all they will need evidence. I saved the pictures and opened Word to start typing. Multiple paragraphs were already typed when David came back but it wasn't good writing. I was typing whatever came to my mind. I was always taught in school that freewriting helps your mind think when you're trying to write a paper. I haven't actually tried it until now. Together David and I grabbed the food and threw it in the garbage bags. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever done. My eyes watered and I coughed because of the horrid, rotting smell.

"This is all part of the process, you know?" David said, "If you realize how horrible this is, hopefully you won't do it again."

"I used gloves and a mask every other time I threw all this away," I reminded him, "Especially if it ever got this bad."

"But then you won't smell it and get the entire effect," he said.

"Whatever," I said, "This is ridiculous."

"Did you really expect it to be easy?" he asked, stopping to look at me.

I realized how serious he was. He wanted an actual answer for this one. I've never been able to rely on anyone and here David was trying to get me to poor out all my feelings and emotions to him. Why is it that he suddenly cared so much? He has never cared this much before.

"Why now?" I asked, "Why are you taking so much interest in me now? It's not like you cared to check in any other time. The only reason you are here now is because mom and dad asked you to be. You wouldn't care if I was fine."

"Don't turn this around on me Kayla. I have always loved you, you're my sister. I know I've been busy with my career and I apologize for that, but even when I wasn't here physically I was still here for you. I'm doing this because you need me. Get those negative thoughts out of your head and see what's really here!"

I always ruined everything. Every time something is starting to get good I ruin it again. David is trying so hard to help me, but I am being so horrible to him. I don't deserve him either. I can't do anything right. Why am I even trying to recover at all? "I'm sorry," I said before running up to the house.