Faults, Scars, and Guitar Strings

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Turns out, David wasn't as mad as I thought he was going to be but he was protective. That was kind of new to see. Someone being protective of me was another thing I have not gotten used to yet. His big brother side truly came out. He made sure to talk to Dylan about me as soon as he found out we were dating. Along with mom and dad, David had his own rules for us. I had never seen that side of my parents or David before. I liked it so unlike most teenagers, I was not as bothered by the new rules I had to obey.

It was the first day of break, but I had to get up early. I heard the alarm blaring in my ear and got up as quickly as possible and turned it off. I took a shower and got dressed. Everyone else was busy for the day so no one was there, not even my trainer. He gave me the day off, but he still expected me to exercise on my own. Of course he does; always trying to challenge me in every aspect of my life. I appreciate it and he knows it, but part of me wishes some people would stop being so strict. They act like it would be dangerous if I did nothing for a day. There is no such thing as resting to them.

I happily greeted my new team and Ellen started going through the entire process with me. That took about an hour and when we were done I sat down with some writers and we began brainstorming. I took out my journals, which I now had two of, and they read through them to get ideas for songs. "I got something," one of them said.

"Already?" I asked.

"You say in here that Lolita is always telling you that it's a daily battle and you can see it from reading this, but you don't show it. You make everyone think you're perfectly fine and there's nothing wrong. You make it seem like you're not struggling with this. That message can't go out to people," he said. "A good message behind some of these songs would be the fact that it's okay to be struggling and that it is okay to show your feelings."

"Why can't that message go out exactly?"

"Because they will think it's easy. They will think overcoming things like depression and cutting are easy, but it's not. Maybe your next song should be about the daily struggles," he said. "Let people know that you may seem okay, but you might not be. It would be a good message to send the world that it is okay not to be perfect or happy."

"That's great, but how do we start?" I asked.

"I wrote down some ideas so tell me what you think," he said handing me the piece of paper.

I stayed at the studio a few hours and I loved what they came up with. It reminded me of what I thought this morning because everybody treats me like I am fragile. They have to know I'm okay to relax once and a while, but they also have to realize that it is a daily struggle. Despite the fact that it's a daily struggle they have to trust me to be alone and still make it through. Maybe the cowriters are right and most of the time I always act like I am okay, but even if it is right it doesn't mean I am not struggling too. They were right about all of the ideas for the song. I want to send the right message out to the public. After I was done at the studio I told my parents I was going to hang out with Lolita, and I ran to meet Dylan at the park instead. My family is somewhat aware of my dating situation obviously because they've already given me their rules. David told them I was spending a lot more time with Dylan, which is why they created new rules, but David was nice enough to leave out the word dating and boyfriend. I figured it would be smarter to tell them I was hanging with someone other than Dylan today so I would get the chance to spend more time with him. If I was with Lolita they did not care what time I came out, but if I was with Dylan then I am expected home by nine. It was my way of finding a loop hole around their rules.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Dylan asked as he approached me.

"Amazing!" I said hugging him.

"That's awesome!" he laughed, "What'd you write?"