Faults, Scars, and Guitar Strings

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The nurses had a hard time getting me to relax all week. They kept telling me it was crucial to my recovery to relax so my body could heal, but my anxiety grew more than I expected it to. The day before the assembly my therapist showed up to speak with me.

"How are you feeling?" she asked me.

"Who told you what happened?" I asked, "Was it David?"

"Yes, it was David. How do you feel?"

"I feel... better. For the first time in my life I am truly happy to be alive. I don't want to die. I never thought I would feel like that. Even after my intervention I told myself I would be honest with David so there would be one person who knew me before I killed myself. I always had that ulterior motive."

"But now?"

I smiled, "Now I want to live. I want to have fun, make more friends, and get rid of all these people who think it's okay to convince people to kill themselves."

"It sounds like you're feeling better. Is the medication still working alright?"

"Yes," I nodded, "I've felt good."

"That's great. Have you been making friends?"

"I think so, yeah."

"Tell me about it."

"I came up with an idea to try to stop the bullying at my school. I sent messages to meet up with everyone getting bullied the worst at the school. We spent a day out of school bonding. I'm definitely beginning to make friends."

"Good, and how are things with the family?"

"David and my mom are great. I e-mail Alicia occasionally."

"And your dad?"

I shook my head, "He's not much better."

"When you're feeling better talking to him about how you're feeling might be a good idea."

"Maybe, but not yet."

My therapist gave me an overall good review, making sure to tell me how much happier I look now than at my last appointment. She turned out to be a pretty great therapist after all. She asks lots of questions, but her questions lead to discoveries I never would have thought of. She's helped me discover myself again.

The day of the assembly finally came and my heart rate has been high all day because of my excitement. The nurses have been trying all they can to get it to lower, but it hasn't worked. I've been nervous but excited all at the same time. I hate being stuck in this hospital because I never get to see anything; no wonder people don't want to go here. I'm surprised people can even be cured here. I am going crazy. Even with all the visitors I have gotten every day, I can't get over the hatred I have for being in here for a long period of time. I'd rather be at home, but I can't exactly be healed from a stab wound at home. I can't exactly move very much either.

"Would you calm down?" the nurse said walking in, "We might change our minds on going to the assembly."

"You can't do that can you?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, "so calm down."

"Okay fine, but come on I'm excited!" I said. "It's the big assembly. The one I have been planning!"

"I understand that," the nurse said, "just try to calm down."

"Okay," I said, "I'm sorry."

"Good then I'll let your guest come in," she smiled.