The Hermitcraft Plays

7: anarchy.

'Improvisation!' Joe called as the plan for the morning as everyone arrived, a couple days after Scariah Carey was unleashed again. Said Scariah Carey was trying to practice dance moves until Joe brought him back to focus by mentioning his name.

'...and Scar!' 

'Uhh... Yes?' Scar blinked, failing to turn smoothly on the spot and nearly falling over. 

'You're improvising a scene with Hypno.'

'Oh! Ok!' Scar ran over to where Hypno was waiting.

'And... Action!'

'Hey, man...' Hypno began. 'You... Are... A... Person, right?'

'Uhh... No!' Scar replied. 'I am not a person!'

'Ah.' was Hypno's only reply. 

'I'm not a person!' Scar repeated, as though it would help them know how to act. 'I'm an amoyzing not-person-person who isn't a person!'

'Well. Can you...' Joe was miming some idea for Hypno. Hypno mouthed 'help!' back and he gave up.

'Zedaph, replace Scar!'

'Do you like sheep?' he started confidently with. 'Because I think... sheep are... cool.'

'Yes.' Hypno replied. 'Uhh... Yes!' Neither knew how to continue the scene. A similar inability to improvise went for Cleo, False, xB, Cub and...

'Skizz, replace xB. Please don't let me-'

'Cub! Help! It's an emergency!' 

'Woah... what happened?' Cub replied. 

'Well... Well False killed my dog!'

'What? Really? How dare she...'

'Hang on...' False tried to protest.

'Shh! Shh! Don't disturb them!' Joe, who'd become entranced by Cub and Skizz not being terrible actors, scolded. 'Let them continue their scene...' 

'Let's uhh...' Cub paused for a single second.

'Ren replace Cub! We need to keep the energy going!' 

'My noble Skizzle!' Ren began with 'You must find a way to infiltrate the Desert and blow them to smithereens!'

'Of course my liege, right away! But how will we detect them?'

'I have Etho spying right now and Martyn, my faithful hand, has been watching the-'

'MY LIEGE! MY LIEGE!' Martyn, who couldn't help himself any longer, interrupted the scene with. 'My liege there's been a break in on the Eastern corner of Dogwarts! I fought them off but I thought you ought to know.'

'You have done well, my noble hand... you have indeed done well...'

2 hours later, Skizz was gone, Dogwarts had apparently been blown up and Ren was crying in Martyn's embrace about his poor fallen ally Gerald, 'Lost, abandoned and forsaken thusly by the foul, foul ravages of war!'

'There, there, my Liege. You know the Smelly Sock battle was terrible.'

'Curse my nose and eyes for deceiving me!' Ren cried. 'The smell of their bare feet was too much!'

'Curse their feet! And lack of showers!'

'Can- can we... Continue... MY play?'

'Oh WOE FOR THEIR STINK! OUR POOR, POOR FOE GRIAN! UNWASH'D IN SO LONG!'

'WHERE ARE THEIR AIR FRESHENERS MY LORD? WHERE ARE THEIR WASHING MACHINES?!'

'It is a dark, dark day indeed the day a man giveth up their washing machine for victory in some foul war such as this one!'