The Hermitcraft Plays

Karaoke

It was actually 2 days of practice later that the Hermits met up again, where Martyn had constructed a rudimentary stage and a place for him to judge. The different groups (and Joel) waited for their chance to go on. And first called up was...

'xB the Pee! And Wels!' Oli called. 

'I'm not xB the Pee!' xB laughed in protest as they all got into positions, creating a higher level for themselves. Wels was positioned at the front, clearing his throat before beginning.

'Long ago... in the far away age of Hermitcraft... there was an age of powerful gods, and extraordinary heroes...' 

'Is he going to sing at some point?' Jevin asked, armed crossed at the back of the stage. Hypno waved excitedly over. 'Or just stand there talking?'

'Will you listen to him? He's making this sound like some Greek tragedy!' Beef said, just on cue and soon Oli's intrumentation started, to a cheer from the hermits. 

'This is really good!' Ren whispered to Grian.

'They're still not singing,' said Jevin.

'...Aww yeah, I'd like to make some sweet music with...'

'Our story... actually begins long before our protagonists.'

'Many eons ago...

'Yeaaaaaaaaah! Back when the world was new!'

'Finally...' Jevin muttered, tapping his feet in tune to the narrators' clicking. Grian glanced over. 

'I thought you were sitting this out?'

'Joe wasn't around. And I got bored of being the only Hermit making their base.' He returned focus to the 4 clearly enjoying themselves as they sung and danced around their area of the stage.

'That's the gospel truuuuuuuuth!' Oli's piano changed for the 'aaaaaaaaw yeah!'s from the narrators, then again to something suspiciously like the actual Hermit musical before ending. Everyone applauded.

'Right! Next up... whoever's doing Cellblock Tango?'

'Tango? What- that's me!' Tango laughed, watching the prisoners prepare. 'I'm Tango!' There was a thumbs up to Oli, and the group began. 

'Pop...' False whispered from behind the bars

'Mayor.'

'Flame.' 

'Uh-uh.' Keralis shook his head, eyes wide. 

'Double Life...'

'Crastle.'

For a while they just repeated, as Martyn called over Jevin to join him as judge, until they suddenly started singing.

'He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blaaame!' Martyn started scribbling ideas down furiously, especially as after False's barely unchanged first verse, Stress started hers.

'I met Ren the Dog during Season 7 about 3 seasons ago, he helped me with the mayor race and we hit it off right away...' Martyn stopped writing ideas and started writing out Stress's entire monologue. Until that too failed and he just stared recording the whole thing, telling Jevin he was head judge. '...So that night when he came to his base, I fixed him his drink as usual... you know, some geezers just can't hold their poison.'

Everyone enjoyed the song and rather good choreography. Cleo's fury was perfect, Keralis managing to climb over before doing his part which, after translation, was just the Polish lyrics to Never Gonna Give You Up. Then Pearl did hers in full 5am Pearl fashion, and Bdubs finished with his final verse. Everyone was screaming and cheering as it finished and Joel did his song, literally called 'I'm too sexy'.

'I'm too sexy for my base... too sexy for my base...' Joel sung, while attempting some kind of dance. And on the line 'I'm too sexy for this song,' the song ended. After that, it was Ren's turn, accompanied by Grian and Bdubs to be the Hyenas of his RENdition of Be Prepared.

'Be Prepaaaaaaaared!' he declared. 

'Yeah! We'll be prepared!'

'For what?' Bdubs and Grian began playing their part so perfectly as the hyenas that Martyn wrote down another note.

'It's great that we'll soon be connected... by a king who'll be all-time adored!'

'Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected...' Ren joined in, soon making everyone jump with his 'YOU WON'T GET A SNIFF OUT OF ME!'. As the song ended, and the three took their bows, Oli forgot to pause and the next song started. Ren, deciding life was too short to miss the chance to be twice as dramatic as everyone else, quickly found lyrics.

'I admit that in the past I've been a nastyyy... they weren't kidding when they called me well, a witch...'

Grian burst out laughing just offstage. Oli stopped trying to stop the song. Scar was trying to get Cub to sing too. 

'Poor unfortunate souls!' Ren belted excitedly. 'In pain! In need!'

'If this isn't part of the contest, I'm just gonna enjoy myself.' Jevin decided, resting his feet on the table. Tango and Zedaph were giggling quietly to themselves, starting trying to quietly replicate Ren's singing as it reached another talking bit in the middle.

'...and don't underestimate the importance of BODY LANGUAGE! HA!' Ren sung to screeches of laughter from Grian. Bdubs, who hadn't got offstage in time, was left not underestimating Ren's particular body language at that line. But trying to leave the stage didn't work as Ren pulled him close for the final chorus.

'YOU POOR UNFORTUNATE SOUL! GO AHEAD, MAKE YOUR CHOICE... If you want to cross the bridge, Bdubs, you've got to pay the toll... take a gulp and take a breath and go ahead and SIGN THE SCROLL!'

'Rest in peace Bdubs's sanity...' Cub muttered. 'Rest in peace...'

'The KING IS ON A ROOOOOOLLLLLL! YOU POOR! UNFORTUNATE! SOOOOOUUUUUULLLL!' Everyone applauded, Oli managed to pause, and Team ZITS and Etho headed to the stage for Skidoodle Matata.

'Skidoodle Matata... what a wonderful phrase...' Skizz began. The song continued with decent dance attempts through the instrumental section until...

'Why... when he was a young dumb man...'

'When I was a young dumb MAAAAAAN!' Tango nearly broke his voice singing.

'He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal...' Zedaph sang. 

'He could clear the server after every meal!'

'I think this is some of best fun anyone's ever had in the Hermit play.' Grian decided.

'AND we're working on character!' Scar agreed. 'This is great!'

'And I got downhearted! Every time that I...'

'PEEEEEE-GEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!' Impulse screamed in full Jimmy fashion, to huge applause and cheering. The song continued, with some unexpected acrobatics from Zedaph, hanging upside down on the narrator's balcony and rolling neatly onto Skizz's shoulders. Later on, Skizz and Impulse pulled out some drums and played excitedly, leading up excitedly to...

'IT MEANS NO WORRIES!' Etho sang as he burst onstage, covered in leaves. 'For the rest of your DAAAAAAAAAAAAYS!'

 'EEFO I LOVE YOU!' Joel screamed back as the song slowly ended and the final group prepared.

Scar's group.

This was going to be all of them and then suddenly this was 1100 words and I realised I didn't have space

Also Joel's song is a real song. And it does end on 'i'm too sexy for this song'

And several of these songs are the actual songs I play to inspire the musical.