The Hermitcraft Plays

12: Stop practicing

Joe had been the one to finally dig up Martyn's grave and actually check if he was hurt. Ren had stuck around too, but had enjoyed the shenanigans too much to put an end to them.

'...hello? What the heck happened... did I die?' Was Martyn's first thought as the block above him was removed. 

'The other hermits decided you were. To get out of the play again.'

'Ah.' Martyn tried and mostly failed to sit up. 'Alright...'

'...Martyn?' Ren peered into the hole. 'Are you alright, dude?'

'M'lord I don't feel too good... your Hand has been gravely injured! Or these cold winter evenings are messing with me mind.'

'Here, my noble Hand, your king understands.' Ren, reached out a hand to help Martyn up as Joe watched on, silently wishing everyone could act that well. With a lot of effort, Martyn was freed from the hole.

'Thank you, m'lord.'

'Your ideas for Ren's song were amazing, Martyn,' Joe said. 'I was very impressed... how much did you have to practice that to get it that good?'

'Oh uhh... a few times,' Ren lied. 'We... uhh... decided to add third life references. In rehearsal. When we rehearsed... in rehearsal.'

'And the axe line was too good not to reenact cutting off Ren's head to.'

'Martyn, dude... When I you with that axe offstage and realised what you were going to... In rehearsal. Definitely in rehearsal that happened.'

'What about the other songs? What are your plans for them?'

'Prisoners song is in the style of Cellblock Tango. Oh, Pearl is now one of the prisoners as well, and... uhhh...' Martyn quickly realised he had no other ideas, and decided his unfortunate encounter with the pillar could be used in his advantage. 'Oh man... Ow... I'm really feeling rough after hitting that stupid pillar... I don't think there's another song for a couple of scenes, the next one is Loot and Scoot... oh notch I need to get some rest. Can we meet back tomorrow? It's been a long day.'

'Of course! See you tomorrow Martyn!'

'Yup- yeah, all of that. Turrah.'

And Martyn flew off.

It turned out that Martyn did have concussion, and immediately used it to claim they couldn't possibly run through anymore songs, and had to run scenes instead. He also couldn't possibly survive without a billion blankets, free food, free pets, and Joel as his personal servant. All were provided, including the particularly annoyed Joel.

 Meanwhile, Cub, Scar, and Gem were all ready for their scene, and Joe had decided to entrust Grian and Martyn with the role of keeping them in line while he ran through scenes and characters with the others outside. 

'Uhh... ok, acting!' Martyn begun. 'Are you still meant to be learning lines or should I pretend you're offscript to satiate the endless desires of Joe?'

'Wait- we're supposed to be off-script?!' A rather panicked Scar replied 'What? No one told me that!'

'Don't worry, Scar. You're not...'

Grian reconsidered.

'Actually, Scar, you do better when you're making up your lines so... no script for you!' 

'Oh no! Cub! Get rid of it!' Scar shoved his script into Cub's hands. His friend was barely phased.

'Alright man... YEET!' Cub hurled his script as far into the wings as was possible. Grian nodded in approval.

'Now, Cub, Scar, you start offstage. Gem...'

'Just obey the script.'

'Got it!' Gem replied, cleared her throat, and started walk across the stage. 

'Right... which way is it now?' she asked, stopping. 'Looks like it's...'

'Cassie!' Cub ran onstage, followed by Scar. 'We caught up!'

'Cubhan? Scarwalker?'

'Well hello there, Gem! Fancy seeing you here!'

'Why are you here? This is my quest! Biggand Sexy gave me the quest!'

'Well maybe Biggand Sexy is a moron!' Scar replied. 'We hate Biggand Sexy, don't we Cub - sorry,  CubHAN my wonderful star-wars-named-best friend who I sung a whole song about!'

'We've been in that village doing nothing for just as long as you, Cassie. We deserve our own adventure!'

'No you don't! It was first-come-first-serve, and I was there first! I got the quest, so I'm going on it!' Gem insisted

'I thought maybe they'd judge it even a little on quality!'

'You think I'm not good enough?'

As Gem and Cub's characters started arguing, Scar crept further back to started trying to practice choreography, first in tiny movements, and then in bigger ones as he got a bit more confident.

'You think you and that idiot are better than me?' Gem signalled to where Scar was practicing one particular turn over and over. And paused.

'Scar, why are you doing... whatever that is?'

'I'm practicing the Cub-is-great dance! Ignore me!'

'Scarwalker is not an idiot!' Cub continued the scene with. Gem rolled her eyes.

'This is still my quest, and I'm not letting you two make me go back and lose my only chance to do anything!'

'I wasn't going to suggest you go back. I was just going to suggest that we collaborate on this. It's going to be dangerous, Cassie. I wouldn't want you to get killed.'

'YES! Guys! Cub! Grian! Did you see that? I did the spinny-spin without falling over!'

'Scar, we're practicing a scene here! Not the dance!' Gem snapped.

'I don't have any lines! You two are doing amoyzing, there's been no big awkward pauses that mean I get to make up a line, so I'm making Joe happy and practicing my dances so I won't fail them!'

'Oh my gosh, Scar! You're ruining the scene!'

'Scar, ignore her, you're doing great,' Cub replied, before returning to character. 'Cassie, please. Listen to me. This place is really dangerous. I've heard stories about Ren, that he has a huge dungeon and...'

'SCAR!' Gem yelled as Scar continued dancing. 'Can't you practice after rehearsals like everyone else does?' 

'I do! It just still looks rubbish!'

'Then practice for longer! Everyone else manages to actually do it!'

'Gem, that's enough.'

'Why are you taking his side! He's ruining the scene!'

'Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, is this in the script or did I miss the point when I screamed CUUUUUUT! and you got to argue with each other.! Grian interrupted.

 'Yeah, stop bloody arguing about whether Scar is or isn't annoying for completely ignoring everything else onstage and completely ruining the scene with his terrible dancing.'

'Oh thanks, Joel! Real helpful of you! It's not my fault I've got a stupid main role I can't do!'

'And it's not our fault that you can't be bothered to practice enough to avoid annoying everyone!'

'Can we just continue the scene? Please! And Scar, can you please focus more?'

'I'm sorry, I'm just really struggling to-'

'Yes! Thank you! Let's actually get on with the scene, Scar, and not your awful dancing that no one wants to see.'

It was the last straw.

Hiding the tears in his eyes, Scar grabbed his fireworks and flew away.