The Hermitcraft Plays

13: this is a robbery

Cub wasn't allowed to leave rehearsals to check on Scar. Apparently his reply of 'In fibe' to Grian was close enough to 'I'm fine' that everyone else decided he was. However, he also wasn't returning, and he had a crucial part in 3 lines time. 

So the remaining 6 gave up.

'Right, as I nearly died yesterday, I get to decide what we get to do. And I decide we steal all of Joe's actors and run scenes the fun way.'

'I'm gonna kidnap Eefo,' Joel decided, dropping the large leaf he'd been fanning Martyn with and-

'Hang on, no, no, no, this isn't going to happen. Get back here. That's not how this works. I'm near the grave, you're still my slave.' 

'Oh for goodness... fine! Someone else can kidnap Eefo!' 

'On it!' 

'Tell them I'm dying!' Martyn called as Grian ran from the room, Gem following behind. The moment they were out, they stopped, sneaking to where the Hermits were wandering around, supposedly in character, as Joe shouted instructions. Grian joined the walking hermits, quickly catching up with Skizz.

'Skizz! Martyn needs you inside! Get all of the Dumb Men. We finished the scene we were on and need your characters!' 

'Of course! Hey! Joe! Joe? Homey buddy?' Skizz stopped walking, causing Wels to crash into him, and then Hypno, xB and Beef who were perpetually following him. Joe glanced over.

'Yeah?'

'Grian said I'm needed for a scene inside!'

'Wait, they got through that scene already?'

'This is the first scene with the 4 Dumb Men!' Grian called. 'Come and watch!'

'AND TREEFO!' Joel called.

'That's enough information for me!' False beelined for the entrance, followed by Tango and Impulse, then Skizz, the narrators, and everyone else. Joe shrugged and accepted. The moment everyone was inside, Grian closed the door.

'Right, I fooled everyone. But Martyn has fun ideas for running through a different scene after Scar ran away.'

'You were bullying Scar, dude!' Cub argued from where he was still stood on stage.

'Anyway, Martyn, who do we need?'

'Prisoners, Cub, and Gem. This is the scene immediately after the prisoner song. So... uhh... go to those positions.'

False, Pearl, Keralis, Bdubs, Stress and Cleo all made their way onto the stage, decided to improvise their positions and make them as mad as possible. Keralis was clinging halfway up the railings, Stress pushed her face through the bars Cleo was hastily setting up and made a silly face that made her giggle every time she attempted it. Pearl and Cleo decided to hold Bdubs above their heads (he screamed the whole time), and False was looking menacing, holding Cub back with a sword to his neck.

'Alright, and start the scene!'

'Wait, wait, wait, not yet. I want everyone to do this with a trillion times energy. Like... so much more than you would actually do in the main performance. And shout every line at the top of your lungs like it's the most exciting thing you've ever said. And over the top reactions as well. And 50 billion percent more terrifying. Understand?' Martyn explained. The Hermits nodded. In the audience, Tango was already grinning at the idea.

'Hang on, just wait until I get some popcornification action over here...' he flew off as fast as he could. Martyn started the scene anyway.

'Oh my gosh this lot are terrifying!' Gem said. 

'Give me more energy!'

'Oh my gosh this lot are terrifying!' Gem squealed slightly louder.

'ENERGY SPEED GO!'

'OH MY GOSH THIS LOT- UHH AHHHHHH!' Gem, panicked by Martyn's yelling, forgot her lines. 'WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, CUBHAN?'

'I DON'T KNOOOOOW!' Cub shouted back.

'YOU STAY HERE WITH US!' bellowed Bdubs, sounding incredibly threatening until he fell off Pearl and False's shoulders. 'OUCH THAT HURT!'

'You're stuck here with us sweetfaces and there's no way back for any of you!' Keralis slid down the pole, appearing behind Gem. 'BOO!' 

'MY FACE IS STUCK IN THE BARS!' Stress wailed.

'I DON'T REGRET ANYTHING I DID!' Pearl started inventing lines, before breaking into a huge evil laugh. 'MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!'

'WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!'

'MORE MOVEMENT! MORE STUFF GOING ON! MAKE IT CHAOTIC! LOSE YOUR SCRIPTS! RUN AROUND! Prisoners, your job is to terrify the shit out of Cub and Gem. Do that.'

'DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I BROKE REN'S LEGS?'

'I DON'T THINK I WANT TO!' Gem squealed as Cleo grabbed her from behind. 

'They don't call her Bone Breaker for nothing! And neither do they call me the Scarlet Witch for nothing!' Pearl drove her axe into the ground next to Cub's foot, stepping closer towards him as he struggled against False's sword.

'Please! We're on your side!' Cub insisted. 'We hate Ren too!'

'Yeah! We hate...' Gem screamed as Keralis's wide eyes appeared from above, inches from her own.

'LOOK INTO MY EYES! LOOK INTO THE EYES AND TELL ME THIS SWEETFACE IS UNABLE TO COMMIT THE ACTS HE WAS BLAMED FOR!' He shook Gem aggressively by the shoulders. 'AND THEN KNOW I COMMITTED THEM ANYWAY BECAUSE THIS SWEETFACE CAN NEVER BE TRUSTED! NEVER!'

'CUB! HELP!' Gem pleaded. 'THE SCARY EYE MAN WANTS TO MURDER ME!'

'Aww... don't worry. He won't murder you. He'll just tear out your eyes for his collection. Isn't that right, Papa K?' Cleo smiled a very creepy smile.

'This is a robbery.' Keralis whispered. Gem started crying. 

'IT'S TIME FOR PAIN! AND MURDER!' Stress, finally free from getting her face trapped between the bars, stepped to the centre of the stage to declare.

'These fricking maniacs will eat you alive!'

'That's right we will, Bdubs,' False grinned, letting a bit of vexiness into her features, her sword still against Cub's neck. 'Sometimes literally.'

'It was rather unfortunate what happened to our dear, dear friend Joe a while back.' Cleo grinned, looking right at him.

'I think I'm being threatened.'

'YOU think you're being threatened?!' Gem shot back, her face now being held by Keralis, who was refusing to move from where he hung upside down uncomfortably close to her. 'I'm legitimately terrified of Keralis! No one's terrified of Keralis!'

'Papa K will steal your heart and then steal your eyeballs, Sweetface...'

'Stop talking about stealing eyeballs!'

'I mean... I can always kill ya before he has the chance. The only question is, do I let my wonderful puppers Tilly do it instead?'

'Guys, guys, we're on your side! My best friend was taken to be executed, we were shoved into this dungeon, and all for doing nothing!' Cub insisted. 'And... and... if you let us live, we know how to get out of here!' Cub declared.

The prisoners stopped.

'You're tellin' me ya can give us freedom?' Stress stepped closer.

'Yes. Just listen to me, and do everything I say...'

On Martyn's command, the stage went dark.

The scene ended.

And Joe burst into applause.