The Womanizer

Chapter 12: Untitled (How Does It Feel)

**play Untitled (How Does It Feel) by D'Angelo when you see (*) for a better read
—————————

Bel Air- Los Angeles

Home. She was finally home. After she left the 'whorehouse', Lauren called Paul and made him immediately book her a flight back to California. A day later, she was back home, and she was fucking exhausted. Walking tiredly, Lauren stripped as she made her way to her bathroom, before stepping into the shower and leaning against the wall with the hot water running down her face and body.

Fear. That's what she felt. She'd done the one thing Ian hated. She disobeyed him. And now she was scared. Ian could be very dangerous when he was upset, and Lauren hated to go against what he wanted from her, but now, after knowing him for almost seven years, she'd finally done what she wanted. But now she'd pay the price.

The sound of water filled her ears, drowning out the rest of the world as heat seeped into her tired muscles. For a fleeting moment, Lauren allowed herself to relax, the overwhelming fear and fatigue briefly giving way to the comforting familiarity of home. But the solace was short-lived. As the steam fogged up the mirror and the room grew warmer, her thoughts raced back to Ian.

Seven years. Seven years of tiptoeing around his moods and demands, of shrinking herself into the mould he'd crafted for her. She'd spent nearly a decade of her life playing the part he desired, fearing the consequences of disobedience. Now, as she faced the tiles, watching the water swirl down the drain, she realised that the dread she felt was not just about what Ian could do to her career, but also what her own actions could do to her future.

After her shower, Lauren wrapped herself in a thick towel, her mind whirling with possibilities and dangers. She knew Ian's reach was long, his connections deep. Running away from him was not just about the physical distance, it was above disentangling herself from a web of control and expectations that spanned years and crossed states.

Moving to her bedroom, Lauren sat on her bed and thought about things she didn't want to face. The first on that list was Camila. She thought long and hard about her, and what her feelings towards her could mean. She knew she liked her. But... could it be something more? What started out as a one night stand, had evolved into something Lauren hadn't anticipated. Each memory of Camila, though majority of them were raunchy, sparked a warmth that contrasted sharply with the cold dread that Lauren normally felt when it came to even the thought, of a happy, stable relationship. Lauren was a heartbreaker,  after all. She normally 'fucked then ducked', as she liked to say. So having any feelings that were not sexual, was a very foreign feeling for her.

Navigating these new emotions was confusing for Lauren. The idea that she could want more than just casual sex, that she might crave connection and depth, was both alien and intimidating to her. Her history of quick escapes after fucking the shit out of someone had shielded her from the vulnerabilities of a deeper relationship. Now faced with the reality of her potential feelings for Camila, she felt both exposed and intrigued.

Later that evening, Lauren sat on her balcony, a glass of wine in her hand and a cigarette in the other, staring out at the city lights that blinked back at her like distant stars. She pondered over her past, the walls she built around her heart, and how Camila seemed to effortlessly scale them without Lauren even realising.

"Why am I so scared?" Lauren asked herself out loud. Deep down, she knew why. She'd been taken advantage of in the past. Having her first time at 14, being surrounded by sex where she grew up, being taken to Hollywood elite (sex) parties when she newly entered the modelling industry. The drug, the women, the addiction. The constant fear of being taken advantage of by older women just because she had a cock. Because they were lesbians, but too scared to admit it, so they'd just fuck a girl with a dick and think it meant nothing. So of course she knew why. But she couldn't admit that to herself. She wouldn't. She was too scared.