Simply The Best

34

NAKAPIKIT si Ember pero gising ang kanyang diwa. Nasa malapit lang si Ivo. Nakahiga ang lalaki sa cot nito. He was quiet but she knew he was also not asleep. She could feel him trying not to make any noise. Iyon marahil ang dahilan kung bakit hindi siya makatulog.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you," sabi ni Ember nang hindi na siya makatiis. Ang dami-dami na niyang kailangang isipin at pagtuunan ng enerhiya. Hindi niya gustong ma-distract sa mga bagay na hindi importante. She needed to focus on the now instead of the past.

But then Ivo didn't deserve to be snapped at. He was trying to help.

"It's okay, Ember."

"There's no excuse for the behavior. I appreciate everything you do for me. I'm so grateful with the help. Alam ko rin na ako ang nagsabi sa pamilya ko na fiancé kita at nasabi ko lang naman 'yon dahil ayokong mag-alala na sila sa akin. I don't want them here. I miss them and I certainly want to be with them, but it can be dangerous for them. Hindi ko lang inasahan ang ganoong reaksiyon mula sa kanila. I don't need help, 'yon ang gusto kong paniwalaan. But I feel helpless and angry and frustrated, Ivo."

Itinikom ni Ember ang bibig para mapigilan na ang sarili sa pagdaldal. Napasobra na naman siya. Hindi niya malaman kung bakit parang hirap na hirap siyang pigilan ang sarili pagdating kay Ivo. She just had to talk too much, share too much.

"You don't have to apologize," sagot ni Ivo. "Hindi madali para sa 'yo ang sitwasyon. And that's even an understatement, honey. And you don't need a man to protect you or to save you. You can do that on your own."

"Stop placating me."

"I'm not."

"You're a man."

"And you're you. I'm not claiming I still know you. Sasabihin mo na naman na hindi na ikaw ang babaeng nakilala ko noon. And that's true too. I don't know all the things about you now, but I know you're a brave and tough woman. You were brave and tough and kind noon, more so ngayon. I should be the one who's apologizing. I didn't want you to feel that I'm taking control, that I need you to rely on me. I just need... I don't have to be in control. I don't have to be in charge of your well-being. Hindi mo kailangang sumandal sa akin. You are very capable. I just don't want to be left out. I need to be part of... this.

"I may not be a part of your life anymore. I may not be important to you now. But you are to me. You'd always be an important person in my life. And I need to know you're okay. I need to see that in my own eyes. I need to be certain na walang mangyayaring masama sa 'yo. I know that's a little selfish of me. I know I don't have the right to ask anything of you. Makikiusap muna ako na pagbigyan mo muna, okay? What happened really shook me. I have never been so terrified in my life."

May mga gustong sabihin si Ember. Ang totoo ay parang may mga gusto sana siyang isumbat. Pero mas inisip niya ang kalagayan nito. He went through something traumatic. Siguro ay puwede niyang pagbigyan ang lalaki sa ngayon. Hindi naman ibig sabihin niyon ay babalikan nila ang anumang mayroon sila sa nakaraan. Kapag naka-get over na si Ivo sa nangyari, puwede silang maging magkaibigan siguro. Casual friends who didn't really see each other—or talk to each other.

Parang may boses na nagsasabi kay Ember na hindi iyon mangyayari, na masyado yata siyang in denial, pero hindi na niya gaanong pinansin.

"You accept my apology and I'll accept yours?" sabi na lang niya.

"Okay."

Namayani ang katahimikan. Ipinikit uli ni Ember ang mga mata at sinubukang matulog pero active pa rin ang kamalayan niya. Parang ayaw pang magpahinga.

"Ivo?"

"Yes, baby?"

Gusto niyang sabihin na huwag siyang tawagin na "baby" pero hindi niya magawa. Parang may naramdaman siyang kiliti na hindi niya malaman tuwing naririnig ang dati nitong endearment sa kanya.