feel me | yeonbin

028

With nothing else to do, Soobin finds himself solving puzzles on his phone for hours on end. He had gotten it back the very next day after it was seized. They took whatever they needed off of it and returned it to him so he can drown himself in pointless videos and the instagram profiles of other tattoo artists. It lets him fantasize about being the one to put ink to skin again. Soobin has tried to skatch out some ideas to relax, but every time his pencil hits paper, his mind goes blank. He can't concentrate, can't calm his thoughts enough to think about anything other than what's about to happen.

The worst part is, he doesn't know what's going to happen, so he just has to sit and wonder. That's the part that keeps his mind preoccupied. That's why he can't relax. He doesn't trust anything anymore. He doesn't know who is pulling what strings or how far they're willing to go

And he's too tired to fight. Taehyun seems ready to meet them head on, fully on a collision course, and he's thankful for that He's thankful that Taehyun isn't willing to give up, because Soobin would have nothing without him. Right now, he wishes he could close his eyes and sleep for a thousand years. He barely has the strength to get up and feed himself today. Soobin sets his phone on his chest and closes his eyes, sprawled across the couch with Daigo at his feet. He tucks one arm beneath his head and takes a few deep breaths, his other hand tapping out an anxious thythm on the back of his phone.

Ever since getting it back, he's fought the urge to text Yeonjun and check in with him. He knows he shouldn't risk it. It's a stupid idea. If Yeonjun wants to talk, Soobin needs to leave that up to him. If Soobin calls, Daeul could be around, and all that will do is cause more trouble for everyone Still, Soobin finds himself staring at Yeonjun's name in his contacts, his thumb hovering over it. He doesn't know if it would ease his mind to talk to Yeonjun and see how he's doing right now or if it would make this harder for him. He never knows anything when it comes to Yeonjun now.

Yeonjun used to be his constant, Yeonjun was something that always made sense in his life before. Yeonjun always fit perfectly with him, seamlessly like he was meant to be there.

And now all Soobin feels is uncertainty.

Like an idiot, he backs out of his contacts and opens up Naver, typing in Yeonjun's name there instead. It's an easy way to see what's going on with him without putting him at risk. Yeonjun's every move is tracked by the media, especially now, so at least Soobin can easily see that he's alive.

Unfortunately, that peace of mind comes with a cost, and that cost is having to see Lee Daeul's name right next to Yeonjun's in an article about Yeonjun spending time with the Lee's recently Alongside it is a picture of Lee Daeul's mother hugging Yeonjun, And another. And another. She clings to him as desperately as Daeul does, and it makes Soobin's skin crawl. Yeonjun looks like a child under the watchful eye of a helicopter parent, guarded against his will and smiling through it because he has to.

Soobin exits out of the article so quickly he nearly drops his phone, his eyes shutting tight to fight back another wave of tears. He's been crying on and off since the search of his apartment. He hates it, but he can't help it. He doesn't even have the fight left in him to stop that now. His phone vibrates against his chest and he jumps, half expecting Taehyun's name and more bad news.

Instead, Ahyeon's name appears, and he almost doesn't answer. He simply doesn't have the energy to talk right now, but she'll worry if he doesn't, so he reluctantly lifts the phone to his ear.

"Hey," he says, his voice thick and groggy as if he's been sleeping all day. He hasn't used his voice once except to give Daigo a few commands. "Everything okay at the shop?"

"Don't worry about the shop. The media has figured out you're not here right now. They're leaving us alone," Ahyeon says, "Wanna know how you're doing"

"I'm okay." A blatant lie. Everyone knows he's not okay. He's the opposite of okay.