Secrets And Sins Part 3: Happy ever after

Chapter 40

~Lilith~

Lilith woke up to the feeling returning to her limbs in a gradual wave of sensation. She felt good, warm, and comfortable. It was the most well rested she had been in a long time, and surprisingly, at peace. The usual chaos storming through her head was quiet. Lilith couldn't remember the last time she'd had a dreamless sleep, every time she'd shut her eyes in recent times, Mary's disappointed face was there to greet her.

Mary...

The thought of the other woman jogged her memory, flickers of yesterday flashing across her mind's eye. She had returned to the Cradle, been attacked by the Vatican's henchmen, and then... then... The warmth at her back shifted slightly. Lilith tensed, realizing there was an arm over her hip, a heavy and ensnaring arm rather than comforting one.

Mary was here, in her bed, holding her.

I don't hate you... you just really hurt me.

Mary's words rang through her head, and it was like being stabbed all over again. Lilith's eyes stung with tears. She knew how much she hurt Mary; it had been clear on her girlfriend's face every time she looked at her, but to hear it spoken out loud? That was a million times worse.

Mary moved again, this time with a purpose that told Lilith she was awake. The bed shifted behind her as Mary's arms pulled back. Lilith prepared herself for the pain of being left alone in the bed, the tears that had been building now flowing freely down her cheeks. It was what she deserved anyway.

But Mary didn't leave. Instead, a hand tugged gently at her shoulder, giving Lilith no choice but to roll onto her back. Propped up on her elbow, Mary said nothing as she brushed away the wetness on Lilith's face. She was wearing the shirt she'd been wearing that night that she had crawled into Lilith's bed, trying to bargain with her body for Lilith to stay.

The sight of it made Lilith feel sick. She was the reason Mary had degraded herself like that, it was all her fault.

"I'm sorry." Her voice cracked; Lilith swallowed painfully. "I'm sorry about everything."

Mary nodded, staying quiet but studying her face attentively, an invitation to go on, and so she did.

Lilith told her everything, absolutely everything, from the moment she joined Adriel, to the moment she'd agreed to marry Bael, and Mary stayed silent throughout, her face carefully blank as she listened.

At the end of it all, there was a heavy silence.

Lilith felt drained, exhausted. It was all out in the open now, the truth of everything that had happened to her, why she'd made the choices she'd made, the mistakes she'd made, and still Mary was quiet. Hearing herself speak the words, to feel those feelings again, Lilith knew that if she did it all over again, she couldn't change a thing. She could see that now and it gave her a sense of closure and finality. She did what she had to do.

"I understand if it's too much." Lilith said finally, she would let her go if she had too. "I understand if you don't want anything to do with me anymore."

Mary sighed then, raising her hand back to Lilith's cheek, tracing the scales with her thumb. "I meant what I said before... I don't hate you." A tentative balloon of hope rose in Lilith's chest. "But I need some time."

The balloon deflated slightly at that but Lilith bit her tongue on any sort of argument. She had to accept what Mary was saying, it was the least she could do after how much she'd hurt her.

"I understand." The words were bitter in Lilith's mouth. "Thank you for listening."

Mary nodded, leaning down to press her lips against Lilith's forehead before she shuffled off the bed, somewhat stiffly, and Lilith felt a new twist of guilt. Stress always made Mary's pain worse, and after everything that had happened over the last few days, she must be suffering.