Comebacks and insults

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1. I'm being treated like shit so I must be dealing with an asshole

2.Teacher: Why didn't you study?
Kid: a year has 365 days to study. After taking away 52 Sunday's, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in summer when it's way to hot to work that leaves us with 263. We sleep minimum of 8 hours a day, that's 122 days so we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so 126 are left. We spend 2 hours a day eating, 30 days gone, leaving us with 96. 1 hour a day talking to friends and family minus 15 days, we are left with 81 days.Exams and tests take up at least 35 days a year hence you are only left with 46 days taking of 49 days of holiday left with 6 days. You are sick for a minimum of 3 days left with 3 days in the year to study! You are at your grandma's for 2 days... You're left with one day. That one day is your birthday.

3. Guy: I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long.
Girl: Well I was going to tell you a joke about my pussy but you'll never get it.