The Mafia's Princess

Chapter 8

I wake up hearing a familiar beeping noise and the smell of sanitiser overwhelms my senses and I have a huge headache. I groan sitting up and opening my eyes but quickly shut my eyes thanks to the bright lights. After a while I open them again to see a hospital room. Great. I passed out from my panic attack and ended up in hospital. 

"miss?" A nurse asks "Your awake" she smiles "I'll go get a doctor" she runs out. How long was I out for? A few minutes later Antonio, Alessandro, and a doctor walk in 
"how you feeling?" The doctor asks 
"Fine" I say. It's normal 
"How long do you think you were out for?" He asks 
"A few hours maybe a day" I say 
"2 days" he says I nod probably from the lack of sleep I've been getting my body took this as an opportunity to rest. "Your not phazed?" he asks confused and surprised 
"nope I'm kinda used to it" I say. They just stare at me 

"Right" he says. Yeah. That's life. "So, you know the drill?" He asks
"avoid triggering things or just general stress" I say he nods "Yep I'm aware" I say 
"Right ok so everything seems to be ok" he says "just take it easy" he says 
"Ok" I say getting out of bed "Do you have anything for a headache?" I ask he nods and hands me two pills I take them not even needing water. 
"Did you just?" Antonio asks 
"What?" I ask. I've had a lot of practice swallowing pills without water. 
"never mind" he says I just smile 
"right well your discharged" The doctor says "I'll need you to sign some papers" he says to Alessandro who nods and they walk out. 
"You sure your ok?" Antonio asks softly 
"I'm good don't be so worried" I smile 
"You passed out from a panic attack for two days at that" he says I shrug 
"it's fine" I say. 

"It's not" he says I just shrug he sighs "come on let's go" he says I just nod and follow him out. We get in the car and wait for Alessandro. A few minutes later he gets in and we start driving. Silence fills the car it's not a comfortable silence but it's not an uncomfortable silence it's a silence where nobody knows what to say. 
"Why did you flinch in the car?" Alessandro breaks the silence 
"I didn't" I keep my voice calm and steady lying straight through my teeth. I control my emotions and keep a calm face with eyes that show I'm not lying when I am 
"I saw you flinch" he says slightly agitated 
"I was shaking so it could just be from the cold I didn't flinch" I lie 
"You flinched" he says growing more and more agitated. 
"I didn't" I lie. He just stares at me through the revision mirror I smile at him he glares at me. I keep my breathing steady trying to not show any fear despite the fear I feel. My heart is pounding against my chest and I feel my breathing become slightly more difficult. He just sighs giving up. 

A few minutes later we are back at the house. We walk inside to absolute chaos. What the frack? There is a mess everywhere and everyone is yelling and running around. I freeze and cover my ears instantly shutting down from the noise. I feel my body shaking and I just close my eyes taking deep breaths calming myself down so I don't have a panic attack. 

Breathe you are fine just breathe breathe
a calming voice in my head tells me. Slowly I calm down and when I open my eyes and uncover my ears I see everyone staring at me confused and annoyed. Ok. Great. Now they are going to have questions. I hate questions. I just smile 
"are you serious? Another panic attack? What for?" Antonio asks confused and slightly annoyed. Great question. Loud noises but I'm not going to say that because that would lead to questions fuck that. I stay silent while I think of my response. I got nothing. Dam it. I look around and see a butterfly flying outside I just stare at it smiling 
"Are you serious? A butterfly?" Carlo rolls his eyes 
"Why not" I say shrugging 
"They're childish" He says 
"great" I shrug. They are sweet and cute and represent change and transformation. I want a butterfly tattoo when I'm older and a heart with a semicolon on the back of my neck. The semicolon represents overcoming a hardship in life depression, anxiety, self harm ect and the heart because I've always wanted a heart on the back of my neck it would be like my little secret. 

If you make it that long
the voice in the back of my head taunts. even if I don't it's the one thing I will do before I die even if it's not legal. I feel like getting a tattoo won't hurt so much. I also want stars on some of my scars or hearts or butterflies. I want a spinal tattoo and one below my ribs maybe one behind my ear. I really want a smiley face on my rude finger so when I flip people off they know I'm happy about it I also want a dinosaur tattoo just something to do with a dinosaur I have a obsession with them and I think it could be because my teddy is a dinosaur and it's the one thing that hasn't left me. Dam that's sad. A teddy a stuffed animal is the only thing that hasn't left me. Lol. 

I don't know what other tattoo's I want to get though. Honestly the thought of them sounds relaxing the pain sounds relaxing as fucked up as that is it sounds calming. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's a needle going into your skin Luna.

And you've done drugs? It's the same thing
Yeah ok I can agree with that but at the same time it's so different. I have a feeling someone is talking to me  I should snap out of my head. 
"Luna? Hello? Luna? Is she like purposely ignoring me? Luna" Someone says 
"I'm back" I say grinning. Everyone raises their eyebrows at me "What? Sometimes I just zone out" I say. Especially in math that unholy shit. Ew math. 
"Are you going to explain the panic attack or close to?" Alessandro asks 
"Nope" I say. I hate loud noises unless it's a gun. Oh the gun scene in haunting adeling holy fuck. I can't believe Mr hot fucking stalker did that like dam. 

I want to read The Ritual next I've heard good things. I read King Of Wrath hot dam he did what in the backseat of the car? AND DOGGY STYLE LIKE DAMMMM. I loved Twisted games I nearly cried through some parts of it like oh my god. I was so sad when Rhys left FOR SIX FUCKING WEEKS. SIX. So sad. I did love the blackmail part that's just amazing like genius. And hot. Lol. I'm fucked in the head. 

"Luna" Someone says 
"Yes?" I ask. I zoned out mid conversation. Whoops
"What is so important your mind can't stop thinking about it?" Antonio asks annoyed 
"Books" I say grinning. They frown 
"Book?" They asks I nod 
"What type of books?" Raffaele asks 
"Science" I lie. I hate science I'm good at it but hate it it's boring. 
"Don't lie" Alessandro says sternly. Oh yeah right we have human lie detector here. my bad. I'm so used to lying and getting away with it 
"parents never teach you not to lie?" Xavier asks annoyed. They didn't teach me shit actually. They did kinda teach me to lie the amount of times they lied to drug dealers and CPS is shocking oh and school. That was before the accident and she left. What is it like to have normal parents? I can't help but wonder. 
"what not going to say anything?" Rocco asks 
"Nope" I say. I wish my parents weren't drug and alcohol addicts maybe then I could have been happy and not a fucked up teenager who probably needs help. I did get help at school when I would go and that only lasted until I was 'better' I never got better just tried to kill myself more and failed. I couldn't even overdose because when I tried at school they found me in the girls bathroom after it had been locked for hours and then they took me to the hospital and poof I'm alive. Unfortunately. 

"Rocco Xavier enough" Antonio warns. Fuck. I can't believe I escaped hell only to come to a different version of it. That's pretty fucked. 
"What? We just want to know what our mother was like as a parent considering she just ran off with Luna" Xavier says. If I told you it would probably burst your bubble 
"She died years ago" I say 
"She did?" They asks 
"yeah" I say. 
"How?" Luca asks. Dam it the one question I wanted to avoid 
"It's complicated" I say. It's not it's just a tad traumatising for me. 
"it's death it can't be that complicated" Xander says. 
"Can we please just not talk about it?" I ask hoping they would just drop it 
"No. We want to know" Dante says 
"Well, I don't want to talk about it sorry I'm going to read" I say then go to my room not saying another word. I walk into my room and shut the door holding back tears. 

I'm fine I'm fine it's all good. everything is ok. I'm fine I can get through this 
Can you really? I mean everyone hates you. You would be better off dead
I just pace around my room taking deep breaths to calm myself. It's all going to be ok. 

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So what do you think? Hope you enjoyed 

-S