The Mafia's Princess

Chapter 25

They glare at me pissed while I stand there grinning rocking back and forth on my heels. I have energy even after not sleeping. LA LA LA. Alessandro takes a few deep breaths 
"please tell us exactly what happened from after I left your room" He states calmly but I hear a shake to his voice. Dam he's pissed 

"well, I sat in the corner for two hours I couldn't sleep then I got a burst of energy and felt really happy like really happy which is weird and had this weird impulse to get everything dinosaur related then I wanted to catch a train so I snuck out and got on a train then a little while later four boys in masks joined me they were nice we went to a bar had a few drinks danced got back on the train came back then I came back here all while I was really happy" I say grinning. Alessandro sighs muttering things under his breath. 

"I called you" Carlo says pissed 
"I know" I say grinning "but you disrupted my music so I muted my phone" I say shrugging. 
"I thought you went for a run" He says 
"Well technically I did I practically ran back here skipping and dancing" I shrug grinning 
"Not the point" He grits I shrug. My hands are still shaking with excitement and I can feel my heart thumping against my chest so loud I can hear it in my ears 
"Why are you shaking?" Damon asks confused and pissed 
"I don't know but I can't stop it's been happening for hours on end and I'm just really happy" I grin 
"That isn't good" Antonio says "you clearly need to calm your heart down" he says 
"I can't that's the issue I just can't it's so weird" I say shrugging.

I want to ride a bike. fuck it. I walk into the garage and get on a bike start it then drive out. I drive down the driveway and open the gate then zoom down the road pulling wheelies laughing my ass off at the cars flipping the rude finger at me as I fly past them. Slow pokes. I do this for a good hour before cops a chasing me. I laugh 
"WOOOOOOO" I yell excitedly 
"PULL THE VEHICLE OVER OR WE WILL SHOOT" the car says. Shoot? FUCK YEAH. So I keep driving as they shoot me. eventually they corner me. Shit.

I get off the bike. The cops run to me and put my in handcuffs then shove me in the car. I frown. We drive to a police station them talking to me I say nothing. then I am put in a cell with my phone confiscated. I stay in the cell for three hours my mind has kicked in and is overthinking everything to the point I feel numb. I'm fucked. 

A few minutes later a cop walks over to my cell and opens it and undoes my handcuffs. We walk through the hall to the reception where Alessandro and Carlo wait. Carlo looks like he's not happy but not pissed and Alessandro looks pissed. Ok we can work with this we have to make Carlo laugh and Alessandro question everything while left speechless. Alessandro does the paperwork and we get in the car and start driving. 

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Alessandro asks pissed 
"Don't know" I say 
"What do you have to say for yourself?" he asks pissed. I sigh 
"I'm sorry" I pause "next time I won't get caught" I say. Carlo laughs Alessandro says nothing and I just see the gears clicking in his head and he doesn't know what to say that goes on the rest of the drive home. I shrug getting out and walking inside where everyone is pacing back and forth and talking to each other pissed. Great. The second I walk in eyes are glaring at me although some look like Carlo not happy but not pissed well Carlo's happy now. 

"Why do you look happy and you thinking about life?" Romeo asks my two brothers confused 
"Go on Luna tell them what you said" Carlo says holding a laugh eyes snap to me 
"Alessandro asked what I had to say for myself I said I'm sorry" I pause "next time I won't get caught" I say I get quite a few laughs mainly from the people I've observed to be hot headed and the rest are like Alessandro questioning life. 

Well, that's one way to avoid people getting pissed at me. I just have to make them laugh and the rest ponder life. Then Alessandro's phone rings he answers it 
"Hello Mia" he says I scowl. Not that bitch. "yes she's here we just got back from jail" he says "oh she thought it would be a great idea to have a car chase" he says 
"Actually I was on a bike so it was a bike versus car chase when telling someone what I did please tell the whole truth" I say Alessandro shoots me a look 
"yes that was her" he says. "Why? Shit" he says "well that explains a lot" he says shocked. Oh god. "oh um ok we'll find another therapist" He says "bye" he says and hangs up. Oh fuck

"how did I get her to quite already? I hardly spoke to her about my trauma" I say confused 
"she got your results" He says shocked 
"Oh fuck" I say 
"Language" everyone but Alessandro warns 
"No but how did I get her to quite? I didn't even strangle her" I say confused Alessandro sighs 
"well do tell what has she got" Luca says 
Alessandro sighs "PTSD, depression, social anxiety, anxiety, autism, and" he pauses "bpd" 
"Nope I don't" I say. I can't. I am normal 
"Luna a clinical psychologist diagnosed you. You have that list" Romeo says 
"No" I say. I am normal. they sigh 
"well, I go look for another therapist" Alessandro sighs 
"No need" I say 
"Luna you need help" he says
"No" I say "I'm normal I don't have any of that stuff" I say they soften "Stop it I don't" I say angrily they sigh 
"Luna unfortunately you do and there isn't anything wrong with that" Alessandro says softly 
"I don't have any of that" I say pissed they stay silent "I don't" I say pissed.

I can't. I am normal I have to be. I can't have any of that stuff. "how do I get rid of it?" I ask 
"Luna you can't" Luca says softly 
"I can and will" I say determined they sigh 
"Luna do you know what any of your diagnoses are?" Luca asks 
"I don't have anything" I say they sigh 
"Do you know what the diagnoses are and what they mean regardless if you have them or not?" Luca asks gently 
"No not really well apart from depression, anxiety, PTSD, and social anxiety" I say. I still don't have it 

"Ok autism is a neurological disorder something you were born with. people with autism struggle with social cues and have sensory issues behavioral problems they generally have a special interest like trains or in your case dinosaurs and are likely to have depression or anxiety there are lots of other things people with autism have but I guess those are the main ones" Luca says softly. Can I swap my brain? How do I get rid of it? 
"What are the questions?" Antonio asks softly 
"How do I get rid of it?" I ask 
"you can't" they say softly 
"Why not?" I ask 
"Because it's something you're born with" Luca says softly 
"So? Cut it out" I say 
"you can't Luna" he sigh I frown
"So how do I get rid of bpd?" I ask 
"you can't" they say 
"What even is it?" I ask 
"borderline personality disorder" Xavier says sadly 
"Is that a birth thing?" I ask 
"Nope it's caused by trauma" Antonio says sadly 
"Stupid ass holes" I frown "So, what is it?" I ask 
"it's a disorder caused by trauma. People with bpd have intense fear of abandonment, intense mood swings, self destructive behaviours, unstable relationships, unclear or shifting self image, impulsive, self harm, chronic feelings of emptiness or numbness, explosive anger, out of touch with reality, low self esteem, suicidal, temporary paranoid thoughts that can lead to hallucination, anger management issues and a lot of other things" Luca says softly. 

That sounds like me. well, I'm fucked. 
"Maybe my stalkers will lose interest now" I try to joke but they just stare at me with sadness in their eyes. "how do I fix it?" I ask "not get rid of it fix it just make it easier to deal with" I clarify 
"Therapy and medication" Luca says I groan 
"The two things I fucking hate god damn it" I say pissed. This is not fair 
"why do you hate medication?" Antonio asks 
"well I was on some for a while and they made me feel like shit and I got addicted to them because you know drug addiction" I say god those times were awful. Fuck though. Why did I have to get traumatised and get bpd? FUCK. So now I have to go on meds fucking hell oh and I made a therapist leave me. Everyone else will be next. Everyone stares at me with sadness in their eyes "do you think my stalkers will leave now?" I can't help but ask 
"Does it really matter?" Lorenzo asks 
"Yes" I say. It only proves that everyone will leave me. 
"why?" Rocco asks "it's a good thing" he says. Is it really? I just shrug. What has life come to? I can't believe I have bpd and autism and anxiety and social anxiety and depression and PTSD god I really am fucked I probably have an eating disorder too. God I'm fucked beyond repair. 

"What are you thinking about?" Alessandro asks softly I just shrug. 
"I'm going to sleep bye" I say then go to my room. I take my shoes off and lay on my bed when my phone dings. 

Unknown: Hey baby we heard about your diagnoses hope your ok I know that's a lot to process we are here if you need
Luna: Aren't you going to leave? 
Unknown: I'm wounded baby. eager to get rid of us? we aren't leaving you can't get rid of us that easily 
Luna: Ok. Thanks
Unknown: of course baby. Also we need to talk about you going out at 1am and getting on trains it's not safe 
Luna: Are you the masked people from the train? 
Unknown: Yes we are 
Luna: Dam
Unknown: Like what you saw baby? 

I ignore that text because I did 

Unknown: Answer the question baby
Unknown: You can't ignore us baby 
Unknown: You have five seconds to text us back before we pay a visit 
Unknown: Ok we will see you in a second 

Oh shit. Why is today such a shit day? A few seconds later my balcony door opens and the four masked boys are there. Oh fuck 

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Well. We got her diagnoses let's say that's not fun. Dam though. Hope you enjoyed 

-S