The Mafia's Princess

Chapter 10

I wake up in a fuck ton of pain hearing worried voices around me. I open my eyes but instantly shut them from the bright lights I slowly open my eyes again the familiar sound of beeping and the smell of sanitiser. I sit up groaning from the pain all throughout my body. I'm back in hospital. Fuck. It didn't work. 

"Luna?" I hear a voice ask worried. I look to see my brothers who look worried I stare at them blankly. Great. We just stare at each other. All I feel is numb 
"I'll get the doctor" Carlo walks out and back a few minutes later with a doctor 
"How are you feeling?" He asks me softly 
"Alive" I say emotionlessly 
"well, you are alive" he smiles 
"Am I supposed to be happy?" I ask blankly 
"yes" he says 
"woo" I say sarcastically. I don't want to be alive. Everyone just stares at me "Ok lets go now" I say getting up 
"You jumped off a bridge and that's it? just lets go?" Xavier asks I shrug 
"Yep" I say 
"You could have died" Luca says worried. The doctor leaves 

"That was the goal in case you didn't realise" I say coldly 
"Why?" Alessandro asks 
"why not" I say 
"You can't just go jumping off of bridges" He says shaking his head 
"It's fine next time will work I'll jump from higher up" I say 
"there won't be a next time" He says 
"There will be but it's fine if you don't want me jumping off bridges I'll find another way" I shrug. I can't live anymore
"No. You don't get it. You are not killing yourself" He says 
"do you want to kill me?" I ask 
"Fucking hell. You aren't going to die" He says 
"you don't know that" I say 
"I do because we are making sure you don't" He says
"Why?" I ask "You don't care none of you do" I say 
"We do" Carlo says 
"you don't. You've been nothing but mean to me" I say numbly 
"Yeah I know we fucked up badly but please forgive us" he says tears in his eyes 
"I forgive you" I say. May as well die without people feeling like shit. 

"You aren't dying" Luca says sternly. I said that out loud 
"You can't control that only I can" I say "And I chose to die. beats this hell hole called life" I say 
"Can you explain how it's a hell hole? I mean you grew up with two loving parents" Rocco says I laugh 
"Love? What exactly is that? I have no idea. Loving parents was a fantasy" I say 
"What does that mean?" Dante asks 
"Don't worry about it" I say coldly. I don't want the weight of my problems to fall onto them after my death. 
"Well, we are" Alessandro says I shrug. Not my problem. I look out the window to see we are very high up. I could just climb out the window and jump. It's high enough to kill me on impact then to make sure I died the cars would run over me enough that I would be dead without a second thought. 

"Don't bother it's locked" Luca says. I frown. I could smash the window 
"And the glass is bulletproof" Carlo says my frown deepens 
"Look we need some answers" Antonio says softly 
"Depends" I say. 
"What happened to our mother?" Rocco starts off 
"I killed her" I say emotionlessly. Everything falls silent 
"Please elaborate" Alessandro says 
"She was a good person till she met my step father then she turned to drugs and alcohol like him and my life went downhill from there. I was four when that shit happened. At first he was a chill dude nice but he started to be an ass hole and eventually my mother became like him. I was seven I came home from school and they had been drinking and doing drugs I could tell from the smell of the house and needles on the floor. Most the time they used needles as it was the fastest way to get high because it goes directly into the bloodstream" 

"Long story short I ended up with a knife in a corner my mother screaming at me. I was scared. She came closed and started hurting me so I took the knife and stabbed her heart. She looked at me shocked while I processed what I did. Her last words were telling me I was a mistake. A few minutes later my step father came up found me shaking in a corner in pure terror. He screamed at me kicked me punched me burnt me anything he could think of he did. That night was the beginning oh hell. I was sold to random men who raped me beat me broke me mentally and physically till at eight when I first tried to commit. I found a bottle of pills and took them a lot of them ended up in hospital for a little bit had to go to the school counselor twice a week for 3 months then I was magically better" 

"Truth be told I never got better. I just kept reliving hell with a smile on my face. I tried again when I was nine same thing happened but I kept trying again and again over and over but nothing was working. Mr wrists, pills, needles, hanging myself, drowning, jumping off places. It didn't matter what I did someone always saved me. Eventually the numbness overtook me and I started cutting I got blades, knives anything sharp I had it to numb the pain away. Nobody even thought I would do anything because I was better and always smiling so nobody knew this went on till I came here where everyone still hates me and I moved country. So I finally tried jumping again today but didn't succeed unfortunately. I've been trying for weeks and nothing has worked but it's fine I'll find a way" I say numbly staring at the wall. Everything is silent. The truth hurts. 

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Depressing chapter. Yay said nobody ever. Hope you enjoyed please leave feedback if you have any

-S