Make Me.

Book 4 - Chapter 15

Ellie did not get her mid-morning nap. In fact, she did not return to her dormitory until five minutes before her, Daphne, and Pansy were supposed to be going to breakfast. Ellie spent her morning bent over the toilet in one of the faculty bathrooms down in the dungeons. When she wasn't crying, she was vomiting. When she wasn't vomiting, she was crying so hard that it caused her to vomit again.

Ellie's eyes were pink and veiny as she shoved the door to her dormitory open and silently walked inside, Marshall still sitting on her shoulder in solidarity. Pansy was getting dressed and clocked onto her immediately.

"What happened to you?" she asked, zipping up her skirt.

"Do not ask. You do not want the answer," Ellie responded, heading straight for her trunk.

She got dressed and took no initiative to shower off her festering wounds, nor any part of the rest of her. Her hair was a frazzled mess strapped to the back of her head. In her fervour of misery, Ellie forgone her usual black stockings and exited the dormitory alone, her socks and sneakers and her against the world, pale legs poking out from under her robes as she walked.

On the way into the common room, up the dungeon stairs, and through the Entrance Hall, Ellie ran over a minimum of ten first years of all different Houses. The Slytherin ones were all frightfully whispering as she walked by them and Ellie only ignored them, stone faced and tormented. The ones from the other Houses were also whispering, but in a much more excited manner as she passed them, as if she was some sort of famous figure haunting the halls, unrightfully despondent. None of them knew she had every reason in the world to be just that.

Ellie opened the doors to the Great Hall and walked through the lines of House tables, straight up to the staff one at the front. She already knew the drill and she silently approached Professor Snape, took her class schedule from the pile in his hands, and walked away without saying a word to him, without looking at him, without acknowledging his existance.

It was all the same as every other year. Charms, Potions, Transfiguration, Herbology, Defence Against the Dark Arts, History of Magic, and now Care of Magical Creatures and Ancient Runes to fill her days - and Astronomy to fill her nights. Most of her core classes were Gryffindor and Slytherin, as usual. Ellie walked under the gloomy ceiling of the Great Hall toward the Gryffindor table. Pewter grey was swirling overhead as she took in her course schedule.

"Today's not bad. Outside all morning," Ron said as she neared the table. She didn't look at him. She didn't look at Harry. She didn't look at Hermione. But they were all watching her. Ellie sunk into a seat a few away from them, right next to Fred, dead-eyed.

"Double divination this afternoon. . ." Harry groaned.

Ellie felt in no mood to eat, anything, ever again. She pushed her plate forward right as Fred turned to talk to her.

"Good morning, love. . ." his voice trailed off as he took in Ellie's dishevelled appearance.

"You should have given it up like me, shouldn't you?" said Hermione briskly, choosing to ignore the melting of the pale figure across from her and instead, briskly buttering herself some toast. "Then you'd be doing something sensible like Ancient Runes. Isn't that right, Ellie?"

"Yes," she said dryly. "Sensible is just the word I'd use to describe this wretched hellhole."

"What happened?" Fred asked, dipping his head into Ellie's shoulder, right next to Marshall, dropping his voice and sounding concerned.

"Nothing happened." Fred just looked at her, like he was asking why she was even trying to lie. Ellie shook her head and dropped it into her hands, elbows propped up on the table. "I can't even say it," she said at last. "I - I feel like I'm going to vomit if I think about it too much."