Poem #75

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How difficult it is for me to take care of myself my depression makes me not take care of myself. Locking myself in my room, not eating, not showering, not brushing my teeth, not putting on deodorant nothing. When my mom comes in my room she can tell something is wrong the scent almost making her throw up. But how can I take care of myself when my mind doesn't even want to be here anymore. Why would I take care of myself when I don't want to be here anymore. When my brain can only think of reasons to go why would I stay. Why would I clean this disgusting body of mine this disgusting mouth of mine showering takes too much energy standing there for 10 minutes it's too much for me. It's getting too much for me breathing is getting too much for me. Maybe the end of me is close maybe that's why my mom comes in and deep cleans my room maybe she thinks that will help. My dad coming in and pulling the curtains open and me pulling them closed as soon as he leaves it's an endless loop they're trying how can I not try when they're trying for me.

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