Poem #155

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I know I'm a bad person I know that's all I am but I'm trying I'm really trying can't you see when I get angry I try to count to three. Take deep breaths something in you triggers me maybe it's the years of being treated like shit and I'm finally pushing it back onto you. I don't want to be that I don't want to make you feel shitty but part of me does. I don't know how to not get jealous anytime you do some thing with my brother and not me mom. I don't know how to not get mad when you my dad and brother go out for breakfast without me. I don't know how to not get mad when I ask you to go for a walk with me you say you're too tired and when I get back you're gone on one with my brother. I don't know how to not get mad when he gets his Christmas gifts earlier than me. I know they're stupid petty shit but it's adding up you call me jealous and maybe I am. I'm jealous of the way you look at him the way in your eyes nothing he could do could ever be wrong. I'm jealous of the way you always forgive him when he yells it's so easy but when I do it's so hard. I'm jealous of the way you have unconditional love for your son but for your daughter it is only conditional.

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