Oh, how proud I am when 8 o'clock hits and I haven't put anything in my body yet the only thing being water distracting myself all day with different things to do. Telling myself I'm not actually hungry when I'm in fact starving. 9 o'clock I head to my room I close the door and the thoughts of eating fill my mind they consume my mind it's all I'm thinking about. I tell myself I have to go pee but I slowly wander into the kitchen. I see a banana sitting on the counter I mean a banana it's not going to hurt right it's healthy anyways. It always just starts with a banana I eat the banana slowly the banana becomes the sandwich becomes a pizza I put in the oven becomes chips I found in the pantry becomes Oreos becomes everything. Suddenly I'm back in my room again and I can't even look at myself. I don't understand how I could've thrown away a day of not eating for a couple hours of binge eating. How stupid am I the cycle is going to repeat until I break it but I can't break it because I want to be skinny I want to be pretty. But I always ruin it. Sometimes I want to put locks on all the cupboards I want to tie the fridge closed at night I want to lock myself in my room so I can't leave. I wish you could understand what it's like to be me you tell me you just need to control your eating but I can't I'm sorry. It's either I eat everything insight or I eat nothing both are unhealthy I know that. Please I already know that stop saying that I know that. I just don't know what else to do I don't know how to live a life anymore. I want to be a kid again I want to be the eight- year-old me who wasn't bullied yet. Who had a decent looking body who didn't care what she ate she didn't let that consume her. I don't know if I'll ever be as free as eight-year-old me I pray that one day I will be.
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The live's I've lived
PoetryThis is a collection of poems and pieces of writing. That I have written over the last 2 years of my life. I've never been one to actually live. To take the risk. A lot of the things I have written are about things that have happened in my head. Or...
