Poem #106

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The effect you had on me is everlasting. Our relationship haunts me in my dreams. Our love is splattered against these walls, and I can't seem to scrub them clean. I wish I could break down the walls you helped me build. I wish I could surgically remove the nauseous feeling you implanted in me. I wish my brain didn't make this relationship ever lasting. True love can break you, but so can whatever we had. I don't call it love now, but I did when I was in it. The same way I didn't call it drowning till I could finally breathe. I try to make a list of the warning signs and run whenever I see them in the new guys. I try to make fun of the situation but then fear that whatever it was may blind me again. That the monster that you disguised as a man may come back, in different forms, may drag me by my limbs to the forest, may make me sit by the creek, and enjoy it may force me too where my feet can't touch just so I become reliant. Just so he can hold me under the water then carry me out. And act like he saved me. As If he wasn't the force. As if he wasn't the one who is drowning me. I don't think I could ever forget you. Your indent is forever. And whatever we had will haunt me till the day, I take my last breath.

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