The live's I've lived

Poem #178

No, I got it you're the "cool girl" you need to tear every woman down in this room just so you feel good about yourself. Just so the boy you have your eyes on maybe puts a smile on his face at the joke you made at our expense. Tells us how you think women shouldn't have the right to vote. Talk to us about all the ways women are too emotional and could never run a country. You think your controlling the room. You are trying so hard to be the "cool girl". I get it I wanted to be her once to. I wanted boys to like me I wanted specific boys to like me. I talked about video games and drank beer as the boy's objectified women. I made myself smaller I sat with one leg over the other just so he could man spread. I don't think I could tell you all the ways in which I made myself smaller, all the ways I forced myself into somebody's world forced myself to be some girl, that I didn't want to be. A quiet housewife who doesn't complain. Does the dishes, takes care of the kids, has every meal on the table, I would basically be his mother clean up after him after he made a mess, soothe him as if my day wasn't just as a mess. I tried to be the girl who was cool enough to send nudes, but not whore-ish enough to send nudes. I tried too not be easy, but not too hard to get. I tried to look approachable in bars. Even though you're trying to kill me, even though you are trying to kill every woman in this room. I will not try and kill you as well. Even though you are trying so desperately hard to take away women's rights I will continue to fight just in case one day you change your mind. Even though you are trying so desperately to silence woman I will continue to speak just in case one day you want to scream.