pluto ; jungjoo

17.

his mind wandering anywhere and everywhere except for where it should have, jooyeon found it hard to concentrate on whatever the lecturer was explaining to the class.

these past few days were a pure mess for him. everything seemed okay, but at the same time, too many thoughts were piling up one after another and jooyeon felt like it would take just one more second for it all to collapse, then, something terrible might have happened and he didn't even know what it was, nor he knew how would he be able to prevent it, or just go on with it. he didn't even know what was going on right now. everything was so loud and messy in his head.

on the outside, it all seemed fine. it had been how long now, a day or two, maybe even more after what had happened in the flower shop. he hadn't seen that guy after that, nor jungsu had ever mentioned him. nor the elder mentioned anything happening the same evening, their small talk on a rooftop. it was as if that day was completely cut out of their lives and didn't even exist.

jungsu as always acted so normally, being his usual mostly smiley self, giving that wave of comfort to jooyeon and feeling of being safe, as he always did. the younger assumed, he didn't even had the slightest idea, as to what was going on in jooyeon's head. of course he didn't. why would he, not like jooyeon mustered up the courage to tell him all these weird emotions he had been feeling lately. there was nothing to say anyway. better say, jooyeon thought so. he himself could not figure it out, how was he supposed to tell jungsu. well, since the elder always managed to help him, maybe telling him all this was a good idea after all and he would feel better after doing so, have answers to it all too.

it was for sure that jooyeon had to talk to someone about it, tell someone everything, try explaining in the smallest details how he felt and what exactly was he experiencing, since it was so weird and strange. too odd and unfamiliar for him that he could never figure it out himself. but something deep down told him that for the first time since he met jungsu, the elder was not supposed to be the one hearing everything he felt. a little voice in his head told him that jungsu should not have been the one to listen to him at that moment.

it felt even more weird because of it. jungsu grew to be the one jooyeon trusted so much, he never would hesitate to tell everything to him, in the tiniest details. he opened up to him about his feelings and emotions that he felt ever since he had lost his mother. he allowed himself to be so vulnerable around him, cried his heart out in the elder's arms. he could say jungsu really had seen him at his worst, at his lowest point, when he felt so hopeless and the only thing that comforted and calmed him down were his warm embrace and whispered comforting words.

so why was this something that jungsu was not supposed to hear. it felt strange to think about it. he didn't like the idea of hiding something from the elder. he felt like it was something illegal, he had to tell everything to him and jungsu had to know every small thing about him. maybe the reason the elder shouldn't have heard anything about this, was the fact that it was towards him and well, that guy he met. it would be so rude to tell him not to hang out with him and talk to him anymore. it would be so strange to tell him, he felt all weird, his mood immediately dropping whenever those scenes popped up in his head. no, jungsu should definitely not be the one hearing about this, at least until jooyeon had it all sorted out. with very clear and spot on answers.

he needed to talk to someone, since very obviously he couldn't figure it out by himself. he needed to have someone who would listen to him and give him answers. someone, who was not jungsu.

tapping on his phone to see what time it was and how long it was before the lecture would end, jooyeon pressed his lips into a thin line. it wasn't much time left but it really felt like each second passed so slowly and it made him feel like losing his mind. good thing it was a lunch break soon and jooyeon would actually have some time for himself.